#157 The One-Hour Orgasm: It's Not a Myth, It's a Practice

0 (0s): So for yoni massage, can you walk our listeners through how, like what is the process? What are you doing for 1 (7s): That? I'll put my fingers inside of them and be like, after 0 (11s): You have baby, everything is just loose for a while. Right? Together you cannot physically constrict. And I had the most predictable, reliable orgasms 1 (20s): Without 0 (21s): Treating, trying 1 (22s): Start to get a sense of like, oh, I'm in this pattern with these dangerous men because I'm reliving my fatherhood wound. 0 (29s): Just because you are wet or just because you are engaged in sex that you are aroused getting pleasure and achieving orgasm. None of those things are true. 1 (40s): But it wasn't until I learned to like soften and relax and not clench that I actually started 0 (44s): Squirting. There's all these different kinds of orgasms we were told to like, you know, bear down clench. Yeah, right before an orgasm. 1 (51s): There's cervical orgasms, there's anal orgasms. Like there's just so many different ways to orgasm. Heartgasm are a thing. Boob, GSMs, cosmic orgasms, anger, GSMs like 0 (1m 7s): Leola. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I was so excited when Coral introduced the two of us on the internet. And then I saw your book come out and I was watching your little book launch party and then I was following all of your posts for that retreat that you had. 'cause I was trying to get you on for Valentine's Day and it looked so spicy and so fun and I was so jealous that I didn't know about it sooner. So I was like, I would totally have gone. So I wanna know about that weekend specifically, but thank you so much for coming. 1 (1m 37s): Yeah, thank you Candace so much for having me. And thank you to the listeners for opening yourself up to this sacred and sexy conversation. 0 (1m 45s): Yeah. Okay. So Tantra for beginners. Give me like a quick run through because I feel like it's one of those subjects that that's getting really popular right now. And then I don't know anything about it. Like I know a little bit of the catchphrases that you hear, so like Kundalini experience and then a lot of people have like this hypersexualized version and then other people like criticize that and say, well that's not tantra. It's this whole other thing. So for your definition of tantra and for people that don't know, how would you describe it? 1 (2m 16s): Yeah, you're hitting the nail on the head here. There are so many different modalities and lineages of tantra. There's like classic more authentic tantra, which even within the more authentic, you know, lineages of tantra, there's like over 50 different schools of thought and some are very monastic in nature and not sexual at all. And others are a little bit more explicitly sexual and have orgies as a part of their like ritual. Right? And then you have neo tantra, which is the more sexualized type of tantra that a lot of people in the western world think of when they think about tantra. And then you have Egyptian tantra and you have Taoist shamanic sexuality. 1 (3m 0s): There's even evidence of tantric lineages within Christianity. Ooh. So yeah, so there's, it's kind of this world that is really broad and expansive and there's so many different ways to explore and play. But I like to go to the root of the word, which is, you know, tantra, Sanskrit word, ancient Indian, you know, or East Asian language in which many tantric texts and Hindu text texts were written in. And in Sanskrit tantra is two concepts put together. So tan means to expand and trauma means to liberate. So when you're living a tantric lifestyle, it's really about expansion and liberation. 1 (3m 41s): And what I love about that definition is that it is so broad and therefore like subjective, what is expansive and liberating to me is very different to you. And, and and so it's really this modality of like calibrating and being curious about where is my growth edge at this time. And I think that while Tantra has been highly sexualized, it's not like sex is one tool in the toolbox. And I think that it is a really beautiful way for people to discover this world because to me sexuality is such an area of growth for so many of us because we have, you know, an inherently traumatizing sexual education By and far, not everyone, but I would say like most people in America didn't escape school sex ed, which is very shame and fear-based religion are parents early sexual experiences in which like both parties usually don't really know what they're doing, you know? 1 (4m 41s): So it's hard to grow up in this world without having some level of like sexual trauma or ick or whatever. 0 (4m 48s): No, yeah, I totally agree. So can you elaborate a little bit more on the like the Christian tan practices? I've never heard of that. And some people are probably gonna go into the comments right away and say like, this is witch witches. Then laugh to me. Yeah. Like what are you talking about? So 1 (5m 3s): Which fine. Like all good, all good. And I'll say, look, I'm going say a lot of things today. Some of them might land with you, some won't. And it's a very tantric perspective to be like there is no right or wrong. Whatever resonates with you, take it, run with it, use it. If something doesn't land, awesome. All good. I'm not gonna take it personally. I want you to find your definition of liberation, sexual liberation, intimacy, et cetera. So the, the modalities of like the Christian perspective of tantra, a lot of it originates from Mary Magdalene actually who had her own gospel. And that was, you know, removed from the Bible or from the original, you know, Christian text. 1 (5m 48s): There's also lineages of like gnostics, which are a little bit more tantric in nature as well. My favorite book that kind of like gives Mary Magdalene's perspective is the Magdalene manuscript. It's very woo woo, it's very witchy. It's very like, you gotta be open-minded for it. But I really enjoy it. And the idea is that Mary Magdalene was Jesus's equal and there is this concept of divine union, sacred union that happens when a, you know, two, two beings come together. And the idea was that Mary Magdalene actually was a priestess who initiated Jesus into his highest healing abilities. 0 (6m 31s): Ooh, that is gonna ruffle a lot of feathers. 1 (6m 34s): Let's ruffle 'em. 0 (6m 35s): Yep. Because 1 (6m 36s): It's gonna ruffle a lot. It's gonna land with a lot of people. Like for me, I really struggled with Christianity because I, I felt like there was a lot of hypocrisy and I also didn't see any feminine perspectives. And it felt like throughout a lot of the Christian, like I grew up in the Midwest, I grew up going to church, you know, like all the stuff. And I really struggled because I didn't see a feminine perspective that was empowering. And so I, I like turned away from religion completely, but I knew that there was God, I knew that there was something more. And when I discovered Ra and then found Mary Magdalene and Jesus on that path and really learned about like the original teachings, it was like a come, come to Jesus moment. 1 (7m 17s): Like Jesus is my homie, I'm here for it. 0 (7m 20s): So There I would totally agree in the sense that there are not a lot of examples of healthy sexuality. Pleasure. Certainly there's not a lot of examples when you go to sex ed and I have been finding my space myself in the manosphere space a lot recently. I've been just like, I've been entering the gauntlet and coming out with some, some wounds that I'm still licking. And there's this idea that is perpetuated over there that a woman's sexuality needs to be harnessed or bridled because we can't handle it. And if left to our own devices we make terrible decisions. 0 (8m 1s): So 1 (8m 2s): I 0 (8m 2s): Love it. So I would love your feedback on that perspective. I disagree. Yeah. I think everyone makes shitty sexual decisions like both men and women. And a lot of that comes down to we weren't properly taught delayed gratification, alignment, how to have healthy, safe sex. Like what, what you should expect or before you engage in something that's intimate, right? Like without it being ideologically driven. Like there's a lot of reasons we all make shitty decisions and I don't think that you can just blanketly say women make terrible decisions. So men and religion have had to bridle it other for our own good for, you know 1 (8m 39s): What I mean? Good. Yeah. I have so many thoughts about this. I'm really excited to just like drop drop my, drop my wisdom here. But I I, you said you were going into the manosphere? Yes. What, what is this? I have no idea what this, 0 (8m 50s): You know what the manosphere is? No, I have no idea. Okay. So they call themselves red pilled, but I correct them and say, say black pilled. 'cause a lot of them are very cynical. Okay. And it's just, there's no point to enter a relationship. The, the legal system is fucked. So marriage is pointless. All women are whores. So you're better off just sleeping with random women 'cause you don't have to deal with the headache of maintaining the relationship that it is just like, it's just woman hating essentially. And it's like a bunch of men that have either been hurt, traumatized, or are fearful of the feminine. So what they do is just kind of like cast it out entirely. 1 (9m 28s): Shame. Yeah, I have a lot of compassion for that actually. I feel that it is a really difficult time to, to be a man. There's a lot of shame and blame being put on men by a lot of women. And I, and I just think that it's really important to acknowledge that men are victims of the same culture that women are victims of in completely different ways. And just dropping a note here like ugh, like I can just feel the the loneliness and the fear that's like coming from that collective. Anyways. Let's talk about the dark feminine though. Yeah, let's get into it. Which is what I like to call, like as you were saying, like wow, there's so much power for women in their sexuality as well as in their intuitive capability as well as in their emotional range. 1 (10m 19s): And this is what I like to call collectively the dark feminine. So we have the light feminine, we have the dark feminine, and the light feminine is the part of the feminine that has been historically and even currently more celebrated and accepted. It's like the mother and the virgin maiden and like the lover girl, the housewife like nurturing, sweet, innocent, loving and all really great qualities. Like I'm super here for the light feminine. I don't wanna demonize the light feminine. It's a really, there's a lot of power there as well. But there's also a lot of shadow in the light too. 1 (10m 59s): There's the martyr, there's the controlling mother, there's the naive, innocent, easily manipulated young, you know, expression of the feminine. Those are all shadows of the light. So you have the light and the dark and then you have shadow or or distortion. And there's this misconception that the light is the only place that God exists or that there is divinity or like that's, that's the divine feminine. Whereas there is just as much godliness and divinity in the dark feminine, in its holistic expression, in its harnessed expression. There's also shadow of the dark feminine, which is what we often see portrayed more than the like holistic, dark feminine. 1 (11m 41s): So you have this seductress who's like manipulating men, tearing families apart. You have the the like witch intuitive that's like, you know, creating mayhem and Disney movies. You have the emotionally chaotic woman that like can't control how she's impacting a space, how she's impacting a room, how she's impacting others with her emotions, right? But you also have like these really holistic expressions of the dark feminine, the woman who is seducing her man into his heart, right? You have the intuitive who is like using herbs and plants to like heal herself and her family and others. 1 (12m 21s): You have the emotional female who is deeply able to like read what's going on for a person and in the room and use her heartbreak, use her grief, use whatever like crazy chaotic energy is happening inside her to alchemize it and create art, right? So to me it's like this energy, especially sexual energy is very powerful. And you know, most things that are powerful have a capacity to be dangerous for sure. Money is very similar. Money can be used to create war and like, you know, greed or it can be used to like literally save lives. 1 (13m 2s): And it's a very similar energy with sexuality. It's neutral. But we don't create safety around our sexuality by shutting it down, turning it off, pretending like it's not there, having someone else deal with it. We create safety by mastery by actually creating safe and sacred spaces to fully explore these parts of ourselves from a curious and intentional perspective. 0 (13m 29s): So how would you go about instructing like a younger woman or, and I'm gonna stick with women here for a second, a younger woman to navigate her sexual experiences. Let's say she's inexperienced like, you know, 18, 19, 20 years old. How do you do that in alignment to where you're not making reckless decisions? Because you mentioned distortion. And I think that's a really powerful word because a lot of examples that will be used when it comes to criticizing female sexuality or our ability to make good decisions in that field is, and you see it a lot and it's, to me it's obvious. Like I can kind of see like the pattern going back to when they're like a little girl, but the girl, the woman that chases the bad boy, right? 0 (14m 11s): Or the woman that stays in the abusive relationship and she's almost addicted to like the polarizing chemicals of fight, flight, freeze and then make sex, right? Yep. And they'll say like, the makeup sex is so good, but they've done studies on this. And while some women will respond well to chaos, like it actually ups their arousal universally, pleasure goes down. So even for like about 10 to 20% of women, stress will increase arousal, 80% goes down. But for all women, pleasure goes down and there's this, it's just like, it's almost like to me it's a self-worth thing. It's a nervous system thing. Like you recognize, your nervous system recognizes what is your homeostasis and that might be like a chaotic dark man. 0 (14m 56s): So why is it so many women go after the bad boy that they know is not good for long-term intimacy, that isn't gonna take care of their needs, that isn't prioritizing their safety? Like how do you help nav like navigate that exploration period of a young woman? 1 (15m 11s): Yeah, I would say holistically the path is shadow work. However, this is a very nuanced space, right? Like it's not, this is like a collective piece. It's not just like women are the problem or like this specific pattern. And I came from like a very similar path. Like for me grew up in the Midwest religious environment, very conservative envir environment, great place to grow up in many ways. However, there were lots of, again, fear and shame-based education around sexuality, around pleasure, around my body. And so as I, you know, came into puberty, I also knew that what I was here, it just wasn't landing for me completely. 1 (15m 57s): I didn't feel like I was getting the whole truth in regards to sexuality, which was true. I wasn't getting a truly honest sex education. I wasn't getting a pleasure based sex sexual education. And so I decided to like find out for myself and I really had like several chapters where I was exploring my sexuality incredibly liberally and it wasn't a good like safe move. I did learn a lot in those chapters, but I also experienced a lot of non-consensual interactions and it was deeply damaging for me. And so when I came into my twenties, I had like this really limiting sex education that I was carrying on top of a bunch of sexual trauma. 1 (16m 39s): And that around that time I started, you know, learning about spirituality and I was meditating and doing yoga, but it was like not getting there. It wasn't going deep enough. It wasn't truly holistic. And that's when I discovered tantra. And that's what really allowed me to go to the deeper parts of myself and be really honest with myself as well. And that's really where it's like Tre isn't just about sexuality, but for me that was my gateway. I was into it because of the cool sex tricks. I was like let's, let's go. But it wasn't too far down the line that I was like healing my relationship to my inner child and my relationship to abundance and prosperity and money and what was possible for me in life. 1 (17m 20s): And for me what that looked like was completely being celibate actually for a chapter and, and exploring within my own body where my pleasure was like doing yoni massage to actually like massage out the trauma. Like the body keeps the score. We do all this like work on our bodies, but like we're like ignoring like our sexual centers where there is so much to be released and processed. And then being really intentional from there about the spaces and the types of people that I connected with. And also empowering my intuition. Like once you again like reclaim more of those dark feminine energies, including your intuition, you start to get a sense of like, oh I'm in this pattern with these dangerous men because I'm reliving my fatherhood wound. 1 (18m 6s): Hmm. Or I am or like I'm addicted to the drama and is there a healthier way for me to get that like rush in my body than like, you know, engaging with a toxic person? And I'm not like, I don't have like the full scientific background on this, but the, the feelings that we get when we're really angry like that like heightened sense is very similar to like the heightened sense sense of excitement and joy and so it's similar things that are happening in the body but there are more healthy paths to get to that like feeling of aliveness. 0 (18m 41s): Yeah, I agree. And the yoni massage is really interesting. It, it'll sound woo and some people, they criticize that book so much even though there is so much data in it to support all of his theories. Yeah. So when you go to have a baby, what a lot of people do nowadays is they'll send you to a pelvic floor specialist and they'll do like these little electric readings. They'll put these little diodes internally and it'll map your entire cervix and you'll see where there's tension if there's any kind of like asymmetry that's happening. And what they will say if you, if you ask them about patterns is like certain areas, especially on the outside will be like almost painful if anyone does any like trigger point fascia release, right? 0 (19m 26s): With like a lacrosse ball and you'll get to something like, oh my god, I'm barely touching it and it's excruciating. You'll see a lot of pain on the outside of women that have experienced sexual trauma. So they'll have to work that out so that you can help like safely deliver a baby. Yeah. A lot of women that have been stuck in chronic stress and fight flight or fo flight have like a really tense pelvic floor. So you, and that was, that was me. Like it was insanely just like it was constantly contracted and tight. So I had to spend months actively releasing and letting go. Yeah. And a lot of that again, it's just like being in a constant state of, of stress and then you wonder why you're not able to experience pleasure with someone. And a lot of that is like shitty sex ed because we're told we have to be tight. 0 (20m 10s): We have to be so tight. Yeah. So that he can enjoy himself. When in actuality it's like closing you both off to experiencing the most pleasure. And I learned this after my first born because after you have a baby, everything is just loose for a while, right? Yeah. It is just there together. You cannot physically constrict. And I had the most predictable, reliable orgasms without trying Oh my god. It would be like, and I was like, what is happening? I thought sex was supposed to be terrible after babies and this is like the best sex I've ever had in my life because it was just like, whoa, we're like relaxed finally. And it was the same experience for him. And now, I mean now I'm back to my old patterns and I'm like still actively trying to work on releasing and I definitely wanna get into that part of your book as well. 0 (20m 55s): But we hold onto so much of our stuff and there's all of these tools that I think we dismiss and that's why I love that you're doing these workshops 'cause you're showing women like there's so much more available than what you think that there is. 1 (21m 8s): Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, teaching men more about like the female anatomy and, and how to honor a woman. Like truly like there is a temple, like yoni is the onri word for pussy, right? And so like it actually translates to sacred space temple and like thinking about this fact that every baby like comes through the world like through a woman's legs. Like that's a portal between the spiritual world, the physical world, if you believe in that, right? If you believe that there is a spiritual world. And so what would it look like as a partner to honor a woman's body, like as this sacred portal, not just for babies to come through, but like for like goddess divine energy to come through. 1 (21m 50s): But I love what you shared about like your experience with childbirth. I'm in those like pre preconception stages and like the stories like that, it's just more people need to hear those stories. 'cause we hear like all of these horror stories about birth and postpartum and yes, it's challenging and I, and I'm sure that you had many other more absolutely more intense initiations around it. But like, let's, let's, let's also take the moment to really celebrate like the wins and, and that makes a lot of sense to me and I really, I really identify with that. 0 (22m 21s): So for yoni massage, can you walk our listeners through how, like what is the process? What are you, what are you doing for that? Yeah, because I need to go do that later. I'm like I need to, I need to relax. We'll 1 (22m 33s): Get you hooked up. Yeah, perfect. Yeah. So there, there are different types of yoni massage and I'll kind of share like the two main types. So The One is like more pleasure mapping, which is like reorienting the body to like what is pleasurable for you and being open to discover like where there different erogenous zones in your body and on your pussy that you might not even be aware of. Mm. You know, most women associate sexual touch with a more, like if you had yin and yang, like a more yang energy, a more intense, fast primal, spontaneous intense. Like that's what we see in porn. Like even when we go get a massage, it's generally more of like that. 1 (23m 14s): Like get in there, you know, like intense energy. Whereas like in the tantric perspective there should be a balance of the yin and yang and really you should start, should is subjective, but it's invited to start with a little bit more of the yin energy, which is slow and soft and sensual. And as you had mentioned the nervous system, it allows your nervous system to relax and that invites the pussy to soften and open instead of be like bracing itself for really intense, you know, penetration or, or touch or or anything. So pleasure mapping is more focused on like let's find new pleasure pathways for you in your body. 1 (23m 57s): The other type of yoni massage, which is kind of more what we were alluding to is called sacred spot. And sacred spot is a deep tissue massage for the energetic, emotional and sexual body. And so some people call the sacred spot actually like the G spot. Mm. But for me, because the G spot holds, like they say the G spot holds a lot of tension and trauma. And that being said to me, the sacred spot is much bigger than that. The sacred spot could be anywhere in your energetic, emotional or sexual body where you're holding tension that wants to release that. 1 (24m 37s): Then on the other side has the capacity for pleasure. So when you go in for a deep tissue massage, they're looking for knots, right? Yeah. To work out. And it's the same concept. You're looking for knots, you're looking for places where energy has been like stuck, contracted emotion or energy and motion has been trapped and you're working that out. And so that type of y massage like it like might not be really pleasurable at all, but very often when you go in and you find that knot and you work it out, there is pleasure on the other side. It's like, so for me sacred spot has looked like from as energetic as just saying no, like being in a yoni massage and actually stopping it. 1 (25m 21s): And that being my edge, that being the part of me that there was tension around like saying no for all the times that I didn't get to say no. But it's also been, you know, like de arming my cervix and really going deep into my pussy and finding those places where there is scar tissue or there is contraction or it's just like hurts and, and working out that tension. 0 (25m 44s): Yeah. When I went to the pelvic floor specialist after they identified where there were, were like basically like knots essentially. She would go in with like a finger and just pressure point. 1 (25m 55s): Yeah. And 0 (25m 56s): You would, I would have to actively like, 'cause it was really, really intense and I mean I don't have sexual trauma per se. Like I, I don't wanna use that word 'cause I think that that's deserving for like more more extreme experiences, but definitely like times where you're like, I didn't really make that decision in alignment. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or just like, again, walking around super tense. Do you use, like, do you like using a wand or do you like a partner to do it or do you like doing it yourself or any of the above 1 (26m 26s): Kind of a mix. And what I'll also say is like what I would say is probably different from the pelvic floor specialist that you went to is that, so generally if I were to do a yoni massage or I would have someone do one on me, it would include like, it would be like a three hour session. Oh wow. Yeah. So, and it would start with like, let's have a talk, like let's it kind of like coaching or like therapy. Then we would go in and maybe do like some breath work things. 'cause breath is really important. Breath, sound and movement are the three basic tools of tantra. And also they're really important for empowering you to actually like release the tension and to relax and drop into your body. And then we would go in and do a full body massage before even like going to the pussy. 1 (27m 9s): So, and then, and then even then, like oftentimes like with a disarming session or a sacred spot session, there would still be some pleasurable touch too. So like if my husband was doing this on me, he would probably be like stroking my clit and at the same time like, like massaging the knots. And so it's, it's generally like for a lot of people you're able to hold more of the intense sensation, pain, play, et cetera when there is pleasure alongside like it softens the serotonin, the dopamine. So it's like it's still intense releasing those things, but it's not as like clinical generally. Yeah. 0 (27m 46s): Depends. I'm sure that's probably a lot more impactful. 1 (27m 49s): I mean I don't, I don't know, like I think it's all impactful but I like, I'm like I would rather have, would 0 (27m 54s): Rather feel, I rather, yeah, exactly. 1 (27m 56s): With my husband at least a little bit. He is also like a fucking wizard. So I am very fortunate. Anyways. So your question though was 0 (28m 6s): Like, I forgot like tools and Okay. Yes. And practices like if you can do this by yourself. Yeah. So if you're, you're obviously not gonna massage do full body massage on yourself, but you could probably do some spots right? To maybe get yourself, like would you recommend that? Yeah, 1 (28m 19s): I mean that was my entry really was doing this work on myself. And it's so empowering to know, okay, I can actually heal myself and I can actually, you know, I can rely on it. It builds a lot of self trust as well as again, mastery in this world. And it like, you know, there's nothing better than being able to just lean back and receive with someone that you know knows what they're doing and is safe and you trust them. So if I'm doing it on myself, I do like to use pleasure wands particularly, I really enjoy like crystal pleasure wands, which I have suggestions for brands if people want them. But those are really amazing. 1 (29m 1s): I really enjoy those. And there are certain ones that are like kind of curvy so you can like hit more spots. There's even like one called the cervix serpent, so it's like a little bit thinner. It's easier to get all the way deep to your cervix where a lot of women feel a lot of tension. Like especially you, you'll know this if like, if someone fucks you really deep it hurts. Which is what happens for a lot of women, especially if they're not fully aroused and warmed up. But yeah, I, I mean, so this is something that we do teach at our retreats, our co-ed retreats. And I also do demos like within some of my other, like I have a women's only container and we'll do demos of it in there. And then if you're looking for someone to just go to, there's a website called sacred arrows.com EROS, arrows sacred arrows.com and there are practi practitioners there. 1 (29m 54s): However, I would recommend a high level of discernment going that route because even myself, I found a practitioner in Sacred Arrows that like completely crossed my boundaries and that was like my first experience of receiving a yoni massage and was like deeply traumatic. So I do have people as well if you're, if you're interested in this, it's something that I do occasionally. It's not as big of a part of my practice these days. But I also have, you know, a couple of male practitioners that I recommend and a couple of women practitioners that I recommend as well. Okay. 0 (30m 25s): Yeah, I mean I personally am interested in that for sure. 'cause sweet, one of my, my biggest things is receiving and I would imagine that's probably common amongst a lot of women is I think maybe I heard you even talking about this on a podcast. It's if I'm in a position where I'm not like actively giving or participating and it's just me and I'm just supposed to be receiving, I immediately am like, is he okay? Yeah, I'm taking too long. Why doesn't it feel good yet? Like right. It's all of this negative talk and in my more like immature state of like the feminine and sexuality, I would blame the guy, right. Which is so toxic and unhealthy and I was unaware because again, shitty sex ed, but I'd be like, oh, he doesn't know what he's doing. 0 (31m 9s): Can you speed up? You suck. And making it all external. Yeah. And then I did this in person intensive with Emily Fletcher and we did like sex magic, but it was all solo play and I remember we were like in a circle and doing it and I had a little bit of performance anxiety, which was really interesting. I didn't think I was gonna have it, especially given my background. And I noticed that the same self, like the same shitty talk that I would say to a guy, even if it was just in my head I was happening and I was like, oh this is a you thing. Like this is just you being overly critical and then having all of like a very like goal or end goal oriented experience, which is going to, I mean that doesn't lead to the best experience in general. 0 (31m 52s): You wanna be present and not just like focused on a goal. Right. So it put a lot of things into perspective for me and I'm like, why am I so uncomfortable receiving? And that shows up in other areas of my life as well, right? Which is why I love like the tie with sexuality because people kind of don't take the value or the gravity of the situation. Like they're, they think it's kinda just hedonistic and it's shallow and there's not more to it and it's like, oh that's all she cares about. It's like, no, the patterns that you're gonna see here are almost guaranteed to like stem out into the rest of your world. So if you have a lot of negative self-talk, if you have a lot of goal oriented things that you're rushing through, if you have issues receiving that's gonna show up in other facets of your life. 0 (32m 33s): Like I can't take a compliment to save my life. I like, I get weird and I'm like, okay. Or then I'll immediately do the self-deprecating thing. So someone will compliment you like, oh yeah but you know, I had to spend seven hours or it's not that good Or like, you minimize it. Yeah. 'cause you can't just like accept the thing in its fullness. There 1 (32m 50s): Are so many different things that I could say about this, but yes, it is incredibly, incredibly powerful to be in a be in a, in an environment where all you have to do is just be and feel. And that's really what Yoni massage as well as Linga massage is about, you know, for men it's very similar and maybe even exacerbated more so because for men, like they tend to be the ones that are facilitating the experience, like moving it along and also like thrusting like there's even more of a like I've got to keep the, keep the experience flowing. And so for a man to receive a tore massage and to be able to just lean back and receive and not do any like, it's actually like really mind boggling and even challenging for them. 1 (33m 34s): But what happens is when you're receiving in that way, you're able to just be in your body and begin to get curious about like, how does my sexual energy move through my body? How can I master this as a man? And that's really, really empowering for men. But I'll also go back to women and say, you know, in a lot of my women's containers we do a lot of sensual touch connection but not sexual. Mm. And it's like so healing for women to receive from other women in a nurturing and sisterly way. And to be in a space like, oh I can be touched in my body and not have it be sexualized as well. So there's just so much power and healing in in touch and in connecting in person and that's why I'm just so passionate about this work and, and yeah, why it's why it's so big. 1 (34m 21s): But I'll also, one last thing I'll add to you were saying like how you do one thing is how you do everything basically. And it's so true. 'cause when you can ask for what you want or, or set a boundary when you're the most physically and emotionally and sexually vulnerable, which is in the bedroom, you can do it anywhere. Like you can ask for the raise, you can send back your order and get the correct thing. You can set boundaries with your family. It's so empowering and that's why I love this work. And to me, like sexual energy is the fabric of our existence. It's why, why we're all here. So if we start with that and work on our relationship to our sexuality, do our shadow work, then it's gonna touch every part of your life. 0 (35m 0s): So when it comes to being able to be in a place where you get out of your head and you get out of that talk of, I guess like people pleasing and just receiving. Yes. Do you have any tips for women who are, who really struggle to kind of settle into that space? 1 (35m 18s): Yeah, I think that my, my first suggestion is to just start with yourself. So like even just doing sensual dance or seductively undressing yourself in front of a mirror and starting to track like where is my mind going during this? And making it a meditation of can I stay in my body and stay in the sensations that I'm feeling in my body? And then taking that into, with a partner, really focusing on like what are the sensations in my body? Another thing that I recommend doing is having a conversation before intimacy with a partner or a lover or even if it's a first date, bare minimum, talking about your desires, your fears and your boundaries. 1 (35m 59s): So desires are things that you want to happen, that you like, that you're in the mood for that day. Boundaries are things that you're not in the mood for that day or that are off limits completely. And then fears are things that like might keep you in your head like, you know, it's our first time connecting, I have a mole on the edge of my pussy and I'm afraid you're gonna think it's herpes. It's not like as an example. Right. Or I'm, you know, it it just kind of like, like sunlight is the best disinfectant. We're just taking the garbage out before. And that's not to say that you're not gonna be in your mind, but it definitely reduces the amount of anxiety. Like chatter. Chatter. Exactly. Yeah. 0 (36m 39s): No that's, yeah that's super helpful. I've heard there was a study and it was saying that people that prac practice mindfulness have the most consistent orgasms and they like the most fulfilling sex life. So female arousal, this is an important thing I wanna touch on because this is part of a clip that went viral for me for all of the wrong reasons because everyone like intentionally misrepresented it. There is a scary amount of people and it's men and women that think that just because you are wet or just because you are engaged in sex, that you are aroused getting pleasure and achi achieving orgasm. None of those things are true. Right? We know that sexual non concordance is a thing with women specifically. 0 (37m 23s): It happens with men sometimes, but it's definitely more frequent with men. So for people that don't know what that is, it's basically your pussy recognizes this is a sexual situation or this is not a sex sexual situation. So it will lubricate based off of those things. Yeah. There is no relationship to arousal or turnon with that at all. Like that has been debunked. So it's just like, is this a restaurant or is this not a restaurant? This is from, I think Emily n Nico Zaki from Come As You Are. So it is just a response. Yeah, it, there is no meaning tied to it necessarily. So you know that she's aroused if you ask her if she's aroused, you know, if she's having pleasure, if you ask if she's having pleasure. So it's, there's this, I'm just trying to correct the bad behavior that is like, just because a woman is having sex that automatically she's having a good time. 0 (38m 8s): Right. And like that's not, that's not the case. And women's sexuality and arousal is so complicated and I wish it was as easy as the male where it is just kind of straightforward and v it's visible, right? Like when they have a climax, we all know 'cause you can see it. So ours is all internal and it's like, yeah, there's a lot more required. And I was making a point that like the chronic stress that we kind of experience can pump the brakes as women. So that can be internal, that could be external, that could be the relationship dynamics. There's so many things that go into a woman's ability to like tap into arousal. And I'm curious if you see like a lot of women or like a common common example of like what breaks would be for female arousal, what 1 (38m 53s): Breaks would be, yeah, 0 (38m 54s): Like what breaks would be like, what are things that are kind of oh, the things 1 (38m 57s): Are stopping me. 0 (38m 58s): Yeah, stopping her from being able to like to experience pleasure or arousal. 1 (39m 2s): Yeah. I mean I think 100% being in your head is a huge piece. Another one is just not regulating the nervous system, not knowing what you need. And like consistently going into sexual experiences being either really activated in the nervous system or really shut down in the nervous system frozen. So I have women that come to me that like have always had pain during penetration. Like they've never had pleasure, they've never orgasmed. And like nine times out of 10 all that I have to do is teach them how to relax when they exhale. That's it. It's just like, like, you know, I'll put my fingers inside of them and be like, take a deep breath and then exhale and like relax your pussy. 1 (39m 44s): And then they start to feel like, oh, I'm like, I'm connected to my body and I have sovereignty over, you know, how my body is receiving a sexual situation. So that's, I mean that's like the number one piece for women. And very often it's like, okay, well how do I get to a place where I'm even able to be with what's going on in my body? And that means getting more connected to your body and and figuring out how do I, how do I track when I am activated or when I'm disassociating and how do I bring myself back into my zone of tolerance as well as how do I like expand my zone of tolerance and zone of tolerance. Meaning like where you're able to actually be fully in your body. 1 (40m 26s): And the truth is, is, and this is kind of a quote, it's not a direct quote, but it's taken from Jessica Benstock who is a woman that I trained with around the nervous system and being trauma informed in the body. She's doesn't work with sexuality really much, it's just broad. But she says that the most powerful person in a room is The One that is the most regulated and aware at the same time. And so to me to be empowered is to learn more about my relationship to my body, to my regulation and being really conscious and aware of what's going on for me. Like it's like radical ownership. Yeah, 0 (41m 2s): No, that makes a lot of sense. I feel like the nervous system regulation space is also getting really popular right now. Do you have favorite practices or ones that you would caution against when it comes to regulations? So I ask this because I, I briefly worked with this woman that has like a, a program and it's amazing and she brought it to my awareness. Like a lot of these things that we're using for healing right now it's, we're using it as a panacea without elders and how dangerous that can kind of be specifically psychedelics. Oh yeah. And how like shattering and unnerving that can be to your nervous system and if you're already dysregulated that, that's just like exacerbating the issue. And you might have a moment of where you think it's reprieve or it's healing, but it's actually doing more damage in the long run. 0 (41m 47s): So she's very cautious about things like that if you're going into the space already from a dysregulated place. 1 (41m 53s): It's so true. Even like ice baths. Like ice baths are putting you into like basically a trauma response. Like it's freaking your body out. It's like going into survival. And that's not to say that there aren't health benefits, all of that. Like I'm totally, if you love ice baths, they're working for you. Keep it, keep it up. But I think especially for women's bodies, we need more like hot baths. Like we need more bubble bath, warm water, softening our bodies, softening our nervous system. As far as favorite practices go, I mean breath work is really valuable, meditation is really pow, really powerful. But it's even in like the micro moments of the day. So, you know, many years ago when I like was first, you know, getting into tantra, I went to a couple that did, you know, it was kind of like body work, but like I was fully clothed. 1 (42m 42s): Like it was like more of like the white tantric, energetic tantric space. And they told me, they're like, oh my god, like you are holding, like you were just flexing your lower belly like this entire time you're just flexing your, your belly. They're like, it, it's as if you're moving through the world with like, oh like constantly tense, like bracing for you know, some type of impact. Generally. Like we wouldn't be like punched in the stomach but like, you know, energetically by what someone could say. It's like our bodies are like protecting themselves. Right? And so to me, my journey has been about seeing my body as the mystery school and becoming hyper attuned to like even the smallest like contraction or opening, like how do I feel when I step into a space. 1 (43m 34s): And so after that session, I remember I went to go meet up with a friend, like someone that objectively you would think, okay, like this is someone that loves me and that I can trust and I can be my full authentic self around. But I noticed, I started to talk to her about some tan stuff, which I hadn't talked to her much about before. And I was like, oh my God, I'm doing the thing, I'm tensing my stomach, I'm bracing myself for her reaction. And so there was this moment of, am I really in a life-threatening situation where I need to do that? Let me take a deep breath, ground myself here and relax and soften and know that even if she does reject me, I'm gonna be okay. And so that's one example of what has now become my life, which is, and now, I mean that was a really intentional thought, but now it's more automatic. 1 (44m 20s): Like, I'm constantly doing this. Does that make 0 (44m 23s): Sense? No, I think so too. And that, that speaks to me 'cause I still do that. I walk around tents all the time as if like as if I'm gonna get punched in the stomach. And part of mine is that my mom was looks obsessed growing up. She was a bodybuilder. She did some modeling and she would always comment on other women's bodies when I was little. So I put a ton of value on yeah, the external and how you look and how you're perceived and if you're attractive or not. So I remember from a young age thinking like keep it sucked in, keep it flexed. And then that just carried on into adulthood. And then, you know, years later I find out, oh, your pelvic floor's a mess. Well of course it is. Yep. You know, of course it is. And I don't know, I hope that at some point it'll be natural, as natural as it is to keep it everything tight as it is to just walk around relaxed. 0 (45m 11s): But yeah, I'm certainly not there yet. Yeah, it's like, it's a very concerted effort. 1 (45m 14s): Yeah, absolutely. 0 (45m 18s): I guess going into that there, I learned this maybe two years ago that when your orgasming, like there's all these different kinds of orgasms specifically we are told to like, you know, bear down clench Yeah. 1 (45m 31s): Right 0 (45m 32s): Before an orgasm. And that is kinda like the most superficial, quick, least pleasurable one of the options for women. I'm like, what do you mean? Because if I don't, I'm not gonna be able to get there. Yeah. Is that true? 1 (45m 44s): So every woman's body is different and, and so as I share what I will say over the next couple minutes, there's nothing wrong with you. Every body is different and different orgasms are achievable for different people. The erotic blueprints are a really great, great resource for like expanding your orgasmic potential and beginning to understand like what works for your body, what doesn't. The woman's anatomy of arousal is another one. But for me, I was very similar that that's how I, that's how I used to have most of my orgasms was by like, you know, more clenching. But it wasn't until I learned to like soften and relax and not clench that I actually started squirting. 1 (46m 25s): Right. So 'cause like squirting is kind of different. Like you have to like let go more than like, hold on. But there are like, I mean there's cervical orgasms, there's anal orgasms, like there's just so many different ways to orgasm. Blended orgasms are my favorite. Where you're like, you know, like having that, you know, more crunchy orgasm, but you're also like having pleasure in another area that's making it more expansive. Heartgasm are a thing. Boob, chasms, cosmic orgasms, anger, orgasms. Like I, I have a whole bit on like orgasms. But yeah, there's, there's a lot available. And tan for me has been like the gateway into expanding what that can look like and and like understanding the energy 0 (47m 10s): And a lot is a lot of that through breath work. So you're changing how you breathe in order to be able to access those. Some 1 (47m 16s): Of them for sure. Some of them specifically like, I mean for me orgasms can just happen. But I've also done a lot of work to kind of like understand how energy moves in my body and create like basically the idea here. We'll get into like the kundalini bit here. Yeah. So as you mentioned, like Kundalini is one of the things that people think about when they think about tantra. And the Kundalini is like our kundalini chakra system. Kundalini means coiled snake. And the idea is that this life force energy, which is synonymous in a way to sexual energy, but it's actually so much bigger. Like to me, you can be turned on by life. But so many of us only feel that aliveness in sexual situations because that's what we've been conditioned to feel. 1 (48m 1s): That's where we've been conditioned to feel it or where we allow ourselves to feel it. But like I'll notice now, like I'll be like, I'll feel that like arousal when I see like an old woman in a dope outfit, I'll be like, that is turning, like that's a, like my, my kundalini is alive and like I'm not, I don't wanna fuck her, but like I feel the, you know, anyways, so the idea is that like you have these chakras, which are energy centers, you have seven of them starting at your root, which is at like your base where your A is. And they go all the way up to the crown of your head. And a lot of the work in tundra or one of the modalities is to actually get clear on where are their blockages in my energy system, where is their emotion or energy? 1 (48m 44s): Emotion that I've stifled bottled up And it's not allowing this energy to fully move through my body so that I can have full body orgasms or orgasms or cosmic orgasms or even just like feel like in love with life alone. And so I've done a lot over the years to like be aware of where are, where am I holding things in my body so that there's a more clear channel where it's easier for those types of experiences to happen to me. But the first time I had a heartgasm, I was actually, there was no sexual like thing happening. I was actually on a mushroom journey and I was like completely on my own with a blindfold on and it was like this energy just shot right into my heart from my pussy. 1 (49m 25s): It was like, ugh. And it was incredible. Good 0 (49m 28s): For you. Yeah, 1 (49m 29s): It was great. 0 (49m 29s): Yeah. That sounds wonderful. 1 (49m 30s): Yeah. Energetic ORs. It's like, that was like a type of energetic orgasm I would say. You can also have more sexual heartgasm, but that was like a type of energy orgasm. 0 (49m 40s): No, I mean I, I fully believe in all of that when I was getting ready, 'cause Emily Fletcher like came into town and I wanted to make sure I was like wildly prepared for her. I was reading Mama Gina's Con, like I was just like immersed in a lot of this stuff and I felt like afterwards, I ha and I have you heard of like the extended orgasm? It's like The One hour long orgasm? Yeah. And they say that it, I don't know which who's left it is, but it's like left of the clit and like that's the spot you're supposed supposed to kind of focus on and it can create like this wave that you kind of ride for an hour. And I was like, I gotta find the material on this. I couldn't find it to save my life. But what happened was is after Emily had left, it was just available like the next, like one of like the more recent encounters I had after like her seminar, I'm like, whoa, what's happening? 0 (50m 29s): And I don't know, it was just like being connected to the space and that sounds so woo. But then it happened again when I was around like the same group of people and consuming the same content. It was like almost like you're tapping into a channel. It hasn't happened in a very long time. So I'm like, I need to figure out what I did or find this video that is like no longer on the internet because I'm determined. And maybe that's the thing is like, I'm just trying too hard. But it was fantastic. I say it was kind of like an Alex Gray painting was the experience. Wow. It's like everything was just like so trippy. So I think there's something to that, like that cosmic e orgasm that you're talking about, it's just like a frequency that you need to get into. 1 (51m 6s): I think so too. And I also think that it's, it's really empowering to know what's on the menu. So I remember reading about a cosmic orgasm and being like, that would be great. I don't think that's ever happened. And then continuing with just my regular practice living a tantric lifestyle, it just happened and I was like, oh, that's what that was. And then you start to understand, okay, like the conditions that brought me there. And I do think being non-attached is so important for orgasm in general. Like pleasure is like water coming out of a faucet. You kind of just have to put your hand under it and like feel the flow if you try to grab it or push it away or it's not gonna, it's just not how pleasure works. 1 (51m 47s): It's the same with emotions. If you try to like push away grief, anger or whatever, it's like that doesn't work, it's water. It just needs to flow and you kinda have to surrender to it and see what's available. And the thing too is like, there have been times where I was like really trying to make myself squirt and it like wasn't working and I was frustrated, but as soon as I released the need for to to squirt, like something else happened, something else was available, like a different type of orgasm that was actually more of what I needed, like a cathartic experience. So that's a big piece of tan is like letting go of the expectation and seeing what's available. 0 (52m 26s): Yeah. And I, yeah, that's probably for both parties too, right? Yeah. It's like not being, I think they call it circular sexing where there's no goal, it's just like to be present with each other. Yeah. And just kind of like keep going instead of like, this is, we got Yeah. And sometimes that's all that you like, that's all that's available, right? Like if you are busy or if you've got kids, you're like this, we just, if we're gonna do it like this is it. Yeah. So there are times where that's appropriate. But what I love about the tantra work and what I've read so far is like carving out that time and making it a priority. And one of the things I think you mentioned in here was like taking like four hours, right? Yeah. To like even intimately connect through conversation. And that's gonna like, I think it was once a week was the suggestion at least. 1 (53m 5s): Yeah. I mean it depends. Like everyone's different and I'm gonna be real, like my husband and I don't do that, you know, and we have, we're very, very connected. So it's more of like there's a here you're you like really wanna rebuild your intimacy and your connection and like this is the path four time, you know, four hours once a week set aside that time tantra date night. But eventually there's more of like a maintenance schedule. And so for me that's like one time a week, at least an hour. Then you maybe have like, you know, like a bigger night once a month and then once a quarter you have a weekend and then like once a year you have a whole week or something like that would be more of like a maintenance like cadence. 1 (53m 46s): And it's totally possible too, like if you're married and you have kids or you have a busy life at all, there are so many tantric practices that you can do in like 10, 15 minutes that facilitate connection and keep things going. And if you can set aside four hours that are like non-attached, this isn't like we're gonna have sex but let's just focus on our intimacy. Let's take a shower together, let's cook dinner together, let's, you know, get naked and see what happens. You know, like there's lots available. 0 (54m 16s): What about The One process that you describe in your book where it's like an anger protocol, so to like kinda like do a release and again, this is one of those things that on the surface people can dismiss so easy as woo and unimportant. I mean anecdotally speaking, I think that was one of the biggest access points for me to, to be able to experience that pleasure is because I did that full, they call it swamping. Yeah. Like that full release. This is also income as you are. And this is the neuroscience. It's actually resetting your nervous system. So every other animal they call it closing the cycle. So you would have some kind of stressful experience. A gazelle shakes does a big sigh that is resetting this, the nervous system or closing this, the cycle. 0 (54m 59s): We don't do that. So there's like, we get stuck in whatever the thing is. So you have this really stale adrenaline that's basically stored up in your body. Yeah. So your practice in here is amazing and I mean science backs it and how important it really is to close the cycle. So how often do you recommend that people are doing that protocol? 1 (55m 20s): Yeah, so just to clarify, every, every chapter of the book, there's like a practice at the end. So that's what Candace is, is referring to. And there are some more sexy ones and, and journal, there's a bunch. But this one is called a rage ritual. And you're absolutely right. Even like kids, you know, kids come into this world like naturally closing the cycle. You know, babies are crying, toddlers throw a fit. And it's not to say that like we shouldn't teach our children or we should just like, like we, we, we teach children basically to just stop to like, it's not okay to have emotions. It's not okay to, to rage. It's not okay to have a tantrum instead of saying, here's a place to do this and here's how you do it safely so that you don't hurt your body or hurt other people. 1 (56m 2s): Right? But we're just conditioned from a young age to shut down this very mechanism that is what allows us to feel the most alive and in our bodies by like clearing out the gunk. And, and again this is another way of like, you know, releasing stuck energy in our kundalini system. So the rage ritual is basically like committing to a practice of getting angry and moving your body in a way that dispels that anger with sound, breath and movement. So I would recommend doing it like once I, I don't, it really depends on the person. Like I hesitate to like be perspective with it. But I would say try it, see how it feels, see how it works for you. 1 (56m 44s): It can also be really helpful to have like an ally or someone to do it with you. Someone that like, 'cause it can feel really uncomfortable does the first time you're like, yeah. Like I remember the first time I did it I was like, I'm crazy. I'm an insane person. 0 (56m 57s): I was judging myself 1 (56m 58s): If yeah, if anyone were to see the same thing, I'm fucking nuts. But I stuck with it because of what I felt on the other side. And so now like I just know when I need to do it. Okay. Like I just feel like it's built up. I'm starting to like lash out at my husband for like no reason or like something actually happened and I need to like, like I had a conflict with a friend. I need to just go punch some pillows about it and like move that so I can actually go talk to her from a calm regulated space. So for me now it's more, and there are, there are other tools that you can do too that help clear the nervous system. Like TRE is another one that I really like. What's that? Trauma release exercises? 1 (57m 40s): It's a little less intense than rage ritual. It's also I, I'm like, I use it, I'm not like certified in this, I'm not an expert. But from what I remember my teacher teaching me was that it came from a scientist who was in the bunkers in world Wari in London. Like, like when there were, when there were bombing raid, he was underground and it was like a bunch of families and he would notice that the kids were just like, like it looked like they were having seizures. They were just like naturally like twitching kind of. And he was like, what is that? And then you would also notice that the kids weren't really affected at like, they were like on with their day after the bombings. 1 (58m 20s): Whereas the parents and the adults were like deeply stressed. And basically what he realized is like that's like the gazelle, like we're built the same way to, to release that trauma naturally from our bodies. And the kids were just doing it and they weren't raging but they were allowing their nervous system to talk. And so like I could literally just do it Right now I'm very sensitive. But there are certain practices that can get you into it. Basically you kind of like exhaust your muscles. It's really good to do after a workout. Okay. And you kind like, I would say just look it up. Okay. But like you kind of just lay down and you're just like, you start, your body just starts like twitching and it is really fascinating. 0 (59m 2s): That happens to me after every psychedelic experience. Yeah. It's, it is just the way that my body processes anything I'm holding onto. So like that is my modality and it's not intentional. Yeah. The first time it happened it was so intense. I used to see those videos, the somatic work and think everyone was full of shit. Yeah. And I was so judgmental and I'm like, they just want, they just want attention. And then I did a really intense MDMA facilitated a therapy. I did a psilocybin one and it just kept happening and I'm moving in this way. I'm like, I just wanted to stop. This is so embarrassing. And they're like, just let it ha like let your body do what it's doing. Yeah. And it happened the other day after I put some like CBD oil on and I went to go to bed and sometimes because there's still some levels of THC in the plant, it can actually like trigger. 0 (59m 51s): It's like once you do psychedelics that channel is now available. Yeah. So if you do something it can kind of like turn it on. And I woke up and it was the most intense experience and I'm like, I can't stop. And I like, I'm by myself and how do I ground? And it was really scary but I'm like obviously something needs to be released and I don't know what's happening and just don't overthink it. But it's very real. And again, if anyone's judging, I don't judge your judgment 'cause I was on that side too. But I'm telling you it is powerful and it's a real thing. It's 1 (1h 0m 19s): So powerful. I also do it naturally. Like after sex my body just goes into 0 (1h 0m 23s): It will shake a little bit. 1 (1h 0m 23s): Yeah. Like especially my knees and my legs. Mine too will just 0 (1h 0m 27s): Like mine too. Especially 1 (1h 0m 28s): If it was like really good sex. It's like that's healing. Like that's rewriting your nervous system. The fucking is healing you And now it's like 0 (1h 0m 35s): That's what's happening. Yes. I was like, why is this happening? This is so weird. 1 (1h 0m 39s): Yeah. There are ways to like they say, put on the brakes like so if you have that and you're like I need to like stop or it's getting overwhelming 'cause it's kind of like a workout. Your body is like moving itself. But basically you just kind of like go like this with all of your, like you put your like leg straight up in the air and like flex it and then put it down and that helps relax it and stop it. 0 (1h 0m 59s): Interesting. 1 (1h 1m 0s): Yeah. 0 (1h 1m 1s): Yeah. I'm gonna try that. 'cause sometimes it is too much, right? You're like, this is, yeah, this is beyond my threshold. 1 (1h 1m 6s): Yeah. Another tool that I just remembered around nervous system that I would recommend like you kind of asked a while back, like how would you like regulate your nervous system? There's a thing in my friend group called the Loa Thigh and it's just a vocal exhale. Like this is so good for you to do. They say that one, and I don't know where I got this from but someone told me this or I read it in a book, I don't remember. But one vocal sigh is the equivalent of like 10 minutes of meditation. Wow. Yeah. And so it's like, which I really feel and it's uncomfortable at first I was in a group, I was at like a business mastermind a couple weeks ago and I was around a bunch of women that were new and they're like, I want us, I wanna try it. 1 (1h 1m 48s): And so they started to do it and at first they're like, oh it's so awkward. But then at, by the end of the weekend we all went home and I was getting texts like I'm loa sy at the airport. And it's like so good. It just like naturally like releases any thing, any tension that you're holding in that moment. It's my favorite. 0 (1h 2m 5s): See I didn't know that my second pregnancy I would just do it and I'm like, it was very outta character. It wasn't something I had done before. But I would find myself just sighing in line or something. Like in public. Yeah. And people would just look at me and I was like, what? I'm just like, that's not like that weird. But I guess it is. But yeah, it's, I found that to be a cathartic. Yeah. I tell my five-year-old to do that all the time. I call it a lion's breath. It's like, it's like can you do a lion's breath? And I'm like, 1 (1h 2m 30s): Ah. Oh I love that lion's breath. That's so cute. 0 (1h 2m 33s): And it matches with your name actually. So it's the same thing. Yeah. 1 (1h 2m 37s): I love that you're teaching your daughter this stuff. It's like so, or son. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you're teaching your children this. It's like, it's so son, it's so healing like as an adult to see parents that are really empowering their kids in such a way, it's really healing for me. Well 0 (1h 2m 53s): It's insane that we prioritize reading before understanding how your body works or your nervous system or your breath or like movement. We don't, we don't teach them that. Yeah. So I mean I found a really good school and they do like, yo this like yoga at three and they teach them breath work. Like those are what we should prioritize. That's, it's just, it's a cool little Monte story program. Yeah. Where you live. 1 (1h 3m 16s): I'm like in Austin. 0 (1h 3m 18s): No, I'm sure there, I'm sure there's some here too. There's so many options now for parents that it is amazing. Like you don't have to just rely on the public education system. There's like, if you want it, it, it is out there. Especially in Austin 'cause I'm trying to move here and I was just looking at a bunch of schools, I'm like where do I need to be to find the, the best place for my littles? So yeah. Sweet. 1 (1h 3m 38s): I love that. 0 (1h 3m 38s): Yeah. Regulate yourself before you learn all of the other stuff. The other things are bells and whistles. 1 (1h 3m 42s): So powerful. So true. 0 (1h 3m 44s): Before we wrap up, do you wanna tell the listeners if you have any retreats coming up, like self-promote where they can follow you, all of that good stuff? Yeah, 1 (1h 3m 51s): Absolutely. So that retreat that you were mentioning that you were like, this looks great, that's the Tan Love retreat. So that one actually happens twice a year. Our next one is in a couple weeks and then we'll have one in September again. So we typically do one in the spring and one in the fall. And then once you do the level one, we also have a level two available. And then I also have retreats for women. And the next women's retreat is, it's in August eight, eight to eight 11. It's called Pleasure portal. So really powerful to be again like surrounded by women that are really open-minded and working together to co-regulate nervous systems and working with sensuality and healing our relationship to sexuality. 1 (1h 4m 31s): And it's also over Lionsgate, which for the spiritual babes is like apparently the best time to manifest of the year. It's when the sun is in in Leo and it's in alignment with like the star serious and earth or something like that. I'm not like super into astrology, but I feel it. I 0 (1h 4m 49s): Feel for those that 1 (1h 4m 50s): Are Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 0 (1h 4m 52s): Amazing. Well yeah, I'm, I'm hoping I can attend one or both 'cause I am like, this is right up my alley and it's been calling to me for a while. Thank you so much everyone check out the book. I will make sure I link it below. Hit like, subscribe, follow, give us five stars, follow our lovely guest and I'll see you next episode. 1 (1h 5m 11s): Thank you. 0 (1h 5m 12s): Bye everybody.