#47 Mike Duffy- Happiness, Money, and Contribution

0 (1s): It doesn't matter how much money you make you that money does not equal happiness. You know, there's a Princeton study that says in the United States, if you're a family or for, and you make $70,000, you're as happy as Warren Buffett. Yeah. And I, I totally understand that because all I've done for 30 years, you know, on, on my money side is, is make other people more money. But what I do now is I sit down with, with new clients that I say, okay, well, what makes you happy? 1 (35s): And how can we get to see money as a tool? 2 (40s): Hello, everybody, you're listening to Chatting with Candice, I'm your host, Candice Horbacz before we get started on this week's episode, I first wanted to give a shout out to Schuyler and to R and B Jefferson. Thank you both so much for the cups of toppy. I really appreciate it. Thank you to everyone. That's been sharing the podcast. I really couldn't do this without you. So this week I want to introduce Mike Duffy. Mike Duffy is a happiness expert. Doesn't that sound like an amazing job. So he actually has a financial advising company. He also has a nonprofit organization and the he's written a few books that are available for free on Amazon. 2 (1m 20s): I'll be short with them and show notes, please help me welcome Mike Duffy. Mike, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I was super excited when 3 (1m 30s): You reached out, because I've been meaning to cover the topic of happiness for a while. How does someone get into that field? You've been studying happiness for over 30 years, if I'm correct. How does that happen? 0 (1m 44s): Well, you know, sometimes when you are at rock-bottom, the only way to go is up, right? So I was 17 years old when I lost the most important woman in the world to me and my beautiful mother, she looked like Suffield, the rent. She had the comedy chops of Lucille ball. Everybody loved her so much energy. And within three months of a cancer diagnosis, she was gone. And you know, my, my parents both had a sixth grade education. There wasn't a, there wasn't a lot of money in the household for therapy. The budget was zero. So I had to come up with my own program to get happy. 0 (2m 27s): So I got a degree in psychology. I read everything. I could get my hands on to get out of this terrible depression. And I dedicated my life in a topic that is so important to everyone, how to be happy in life. So that's how it started. 3 (2m 45s): Wow. Yeah. So, I mean, it's been the most popular course at NYU since I can remember. And I think a lot of people were surprised at that. And we were talking a little bit before we recorded that a lot of people consider the subject of happiness, like a fluff piece. And I don't understand how you could be, I guess, to so shortsighted or maybe misguided because it's fundamental to our state of mind, our cognitive decline, our physical abilities, how well we age, we focus so much on going to the gym and making sure that the food that we eat is good for our body, but I'm sure, you know, all of the studies show that one of the biggest indicators for physical health is your happiness. 3 (3m 28s): So although study that everyone quotes as like that 19 53, 19 38 Harvard study, it's like the longest longitudinal study on happiness. And the main finding of that research was that it's all about relationships. And then you have a really good Ted talk on friendships and the importance of that on your happiness. So I wanted to maybe have you elaborate a little bit on that? 0 (3m 54s): Sure. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me on today. I am a big fan of yours and you should be much bigger youth to be on TV, Candice, the talent you're you, you have the right positive energy. You're enthusiastic. You're curious. So I see great things in your future to be something that I love it's called the grant study. JFK was in the grant study and a couple of things came out of that study. And what they did was they, this study was launched. You see, how can somebody live their lives successfully throughout time? 0 (4m 34s): And they checked in on all of the participants close to 300 over many, many years. And as you said, the most important thing, or the love relationships that you create, and the other thing that they, that they found out, if that, okay, what makes you happy? What is the worst thing that you could do in order to have a successful life? And that was drink alcohol. And I know that that overcoat and a lot of people's, I started the habit of drinking, right? That was kind of the past time. Now I have a very powerful story about how eight years ago I stopped drinking alcohol. 0 (5m 19s): So I was working out one day and I was playing music through my, my iPhone. And I had my headphones on, I live about 25 miles south of San Francisco and California. And all of a sudden my text line starts blowing up and I have three wonderful sisters and he was to have them. And they said, Michael, please play. Please pray for choral and rose to the doctor said, we need to take her home to die. Now, a little background, Carlin is three years old at the time she has terminal lung cancer. She has hard lumps in her lungs and she's been in a coma for three months. 0 (6m 1s): There was nothing that they can do. And I said, Lord, if you will spare this child, her lives and spare our family of this terrible tragedy, I we'll give up alcohol and the rest of my life. Now, as we fast forward, eight years, I haven't had a drop of alcohol and Carlin rose is cancer-free. Wow. So, and I can tell you from a life perspective, I'm Irish. My parents are from Dublin, Ireland. This is a part of our culture. Okay. It's true people, but I can tell you this. 0 (6m 44s): It was like a lid was taken off my life. The amount of creativity that will descend upon you, the effort, the, the, the unleashing of your potential when you are not doing drugs. And alcohol is amazing. I would encourage everybody that can hear the sound of my voice to give up alcohol and drugs for a year, well for a month, and then see what happens. But I guarantee you, it would be positive. 3 (7m 14s): Yeah, I think so. I think that drugs and alcohol should be used as like a tool in your tool, your toolkit, right? So like you used with intention, if that makes sense. So not to drink because you're bored or drink because you're sad or drink to fill time. And the same goes with when it comes to drug use, I guess, specifically talking about like cannabis or psychedelics, right? So psychedelics, especially like people use them recreationally at parties. I think that if you look far back enough and time, like those were like sacred plans and they were used with the utmost of detail and attention and purpose. And I think that depending on the setting, you're going to get a different outcome. 3 (7m 58s): So when it comes to creativity, I mean, I think that because of like biodiversity, right, everything's going to affect someone differently. Like I might be able to eat peanuts and that's going to kill somebody else. So just like a relatable example. But when it comes to creativity with, we often know that one of the biggest hindrances of creative expression and like having aha moments and having that artistic touches your frontal lobe, like, especially as an adult, they say, that's why kids can have like such colorful, imaginative play is 'cause that part of the brain is not done yet. So as that gets developed and as life hits you in the face of bunch of times, it becomes harder and harder to tap into that creative energy. 3 (8m 43s): And they say that alcohol can actually kind of like buffer that a little bit. So it like just turns it down a little bit. Obviously the dosing is important. Like you don't want to go and drink a bottle of tequila. That's not good for anybody, but like having a drink or two drinks can just like turn down the noise just enough to be able to like tap into the creative element of your brain and not the analytical. So, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? 0 (9m 10s): And so I get exactly what you're talking about. If you are the type of person that can handle alcohol in moderation, you do, you, unfortunately, there's so many people that take it to the extreme and, you know, alcoholism to marriage is like termites to wood. It just doesn't mix well. And so, you know, by this time most folks should know themselves and just do the right thing by yourself. 3 (9m 43s): Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of that too, when it comes to misuse or overuse or unintentional use comes down to the lack of purpose as well, right? Like you don't have powerful driving force. So then you're like, okay, well, I'm just going to turn to this thing. Cause it makes me feel good. And the moment with your 30 years of experience, do you have like a special recipe when it comes to sparking a purpose? Is that something that you, that you grow? Is that something that you find is that something that you build? 0 (10m 24s): So what I'm most known for is my happiness formula. And I'm so glad that you struck upon the word purpose, because my happiness formula is very, very simple. It's P plus P equals H purpose plus progress equals happiness. So there's two kinds of happiness. There's he? Dominic happiness, which is the happiness you get from imbibing or spending a lot of money on clothes or shopping or whatever. And then there's, eudemonic happiness. That's the sustainable happiness, right? 0 (11m 4s): And then it's the happiness you get from doing good to others. You know, a thousand years ago, St. Augustine said it is in giving that we receive, right. If you've ever bought somebody and you really loved a wonderful present, you get giddy inside. You can't wait for them to open it compared to when you receive a present, it doesn't really feel all that good. Right? It's quite the opposite. So what I encourage people is in their words and in their deeds, but especially in their words, because words are free to be encouraging to other people to be kind. 0 (11m 47s): So what I did about a decade ago is I said, you know what? People's, people's H how can I make this powerful in my life? And what I'd like everybody to do right now is to take out either their phone to write this down, or a piece of paper and what I'd like you to do. And one column under purpose, write down the purposes of your life. So for me, you know, my wife woke me up at four 30 last night in the morning. She says, you got to take me out to the emergency room. Right. And what happened was she's allergic to any kind of nail prod products, whether it's nail Polish. 0 (12m 32s): And we went to a party on Saturday night and she thought maybe by putting press on nails, it would be different than putting, you know, regular nail Polish on. And she woke up last night and her face was so swollen, shut, you know, but the thing is that one of the greatest purposes of my life is to be a great husband to my wife. Right. And then you write down what steps can you take? Right. And I would do anything for my wife. I'm very blessed that I found my soulmate. But one of the things that I did was with young kids, I realized a long time ago, it was much cheaper to hire a babysitter than it is a divorce attorney. 0 (13m 16s): Right. So every Saturday night was date night. I love being with my wife. Right. And it's very important when you're married to have that alone time. Oh yeah. I have a S well, I used to, because my daughter is 16. Now I had a stable, a babysitter. So one dropped off at the last minute. I would have somebody else to replace, not a problem. And I would say to Shannon, what movie do you want to go to? What restaurant do you want to go to? You see, when you're in marriage, you become one and you don't want to hurt the other person. Because if you hurt the other person, by putting them down, seeing things that are negative, you really hurting yourself and who wants to punish themselves and the things, right? 0 (14m 2s): Why would you ever want to hurt yourself? This person has agreed to be with you for the rest of your life, treat them special, treat them with kindness. Right? So that was my first purpose. My second purpose to be a great father, to my two children and under progress, I wrote coached them and every sport thing. And now I don't like every sport. I don't like soccer. Okay. But there I am running around with a whistle with children in a blob. If you've ever seen a children chasing a ball right there, you can try to be strategic and start going to work. And I did anyway. 0 (14m 44s): And then, you know, one of the other things that would be a great financial advisor to my clients, right? And then under progress, make relationships with the greatest thought leaders on wall street. So things come up, you've got somebody to call to get great answers to where to position the portfolios. So all of us have those steps. And Benjamin Franklin said that 1% of the population is successful because only 1% writes down their goals. So write down. 3 (15m 18s): Yeah. That's what Richard Branson says to me, it's one of his more popular calls or quotes from one of his conference calls with Tony Robbins'. And he was like the difference between myself as a billionaire and everybody else is that I write down my dreams. And I mean, there's almost something metaphysical that happens when you bring an idea into the third dimension, buy, writing it down. And it was going to sound a little esoteric, but I mean, Richard brands, it works for Richard Branson works for Benjamin Franklin. So it can work for you to write. And I mean, journaling in general is just a cathartic practice. So it's a good way to get any of the thoughts that are ruminating out onto paper. 3 (15m 60s): And then it's like, you can dump them and leave them there instead of having them follow you throughout the rest of the day. 0 (16m 6s): Candice, let me ask you a question. What is one of your dreams? 3 (16m 10s): One of my dreams. Oh, there's so many. So one of my dreams is that my son can look back at his childhood hood as like an overall net positive, right? Like I want him to be like, I had a great childhood. I had a great fan and loving family, and that's a huge aspiration of mine. I came from one that was a little bit more uncertain for a lack of better words, a little bit unpredictable, chaotic, that kind of a thing. So I just want to be steady for him. And I think that that'll help set him up and its not to say make life super easy either because I want him to be able to learn that he's resilient and that he can problem solve on his own. 3 (16m 56s): And he doesn't need mom and dad for everything. But to just provide that safe Harbor is really, really important for me. 0 (17m 2s): You know, as a parent, that's the best that you can have. Right? And as I looked into the future, I see your dream coming true. He was blessed with a wonderful mother and I'm sure as he looks back, he was going to be one of the lucky ones that say, you know what? I had a great childhood. 3 (17m 22s): I really hope so. We're definitely putting in the work, but I mean he's only a year and a half, so I'm sure there's so much that can happen that we have. We can't even pre begin to predict, 0 (17m 32s): But with your intention, absolutely. Of giving him a great childhood, it will happen. And you know what? I can just tell I'm in New York, I was born in Brooklyn. I was raised in Queens. I lived on the upper east side of Manhattan. We just read people that it is one our gifts. We have a gift of discernment. Right. I can tell you're going to be a great mom. Thank 3 (17m 54s): You. Thank you very much. Yeah. I grew up in upstate New York actually really poor Binghamton. And 0 (18m 2s): I, you know what, when I was 10 years old, we went camping and being, and 10 and a local family sold us their 1970 dirt bikes to me. And, and you know, we just met this family and they said, oh, would Michael likes to spend a week with us that we didn't know that these people, and this is the seventies. And you know, my parents were like, sure, they let me with crazy people. I'll never forget. I walked down and to their basement and their was Rafter's and it was a sea of cigarette buds. And I turned to my new friend and I said, what's what the cigarette butts. 0 (18m 42s): He goes, oh, my father is a chain smoker. And he hides it from my mom. So he comes down here. So she doesn't know he's smoking. I go to, that makes a lot of sense, you know, but I, I vividly remember being beautiful little town in upstate. 3 (18m 57s): I recall, I couldn't imagine so funny 0 (19m 1s): People were nuts and, but that was the seventies here on that 3 (19m 6s): Small town vibe. I said, I'm sure there's everyone. And Binghamton is still nuts. Its that smile and it just does something too. It's something in the Lauder. It's the environment. I'm not really sure. 0 (19m 19s): And when did you, are you in California? 3 (19m 23s): And then I was born in California. So when my parents split, we went back to upstate because that's where her family was. And then I went down south for university and I was like, I'm getting out of here and it's something else, something bigger, more. And we went to South Carolina and now I'm in North Carolina, but I've been in the south for a little over, oh man, like 13 years. 0 (19m 46s): I love the south. My, I went my first year of college. I went to Georgia tech in Atlanta, my sisters, the w from Georgia tech. And for a couple of years, my, my youngest sister went to college in Milledgeville, Georgia. So, and my, my sister Roshi and still has a house and a right on the coast or Georgia and house in Jacksonville, the cheese development. So you have the, the south is a lot of fun, good people. 3 (20m 18s): I love it. Everyone's really nice at first, like the speed really got to me even upstate. It was like faster than that paper. And I was like, no one has anywhere to be ever. And now that I'm acclimated, it's like such an appreciation for that. And it's so it's a little off topic, but have you ever read the book Einstein's dreams? No. Oh my gosh. So we just started and my husband and I like read a chapter every night before we go to bed and it's fiction, but it's, it's written by a physicist I believe. And it's an interpretation of like what I'm S Einstein would have dreamt about on his discovery of time and relativity. 3 (21m 1s): And it is just fascinating. So it's, it gives you a lot of different scenarios. Some of them are dark, some of them are light. And then what you come to realize is that like time often is used against us when it was developed for us. And it's how do you, how do you use it as a tool instead of having that tool use you and then make, use it to be happier? Right? Because so much of our happiness is like, we are, it's taken away because we feel like there's not enough time and there's so much stress and this to-do list just keeps growing and, and then realizing like everything is the suggestion. Like there's very few things in this world that are just like a hard pressed rule. So if you can manipulate time to suit you, then that's like a really good stepping stone, I think, to having more peace of mind, 0 (21m 49s): You know, Einstein had such amazing quotes. You know, I have a couple of Einstein quotes in one of my books, the happiness book, which by the way is free on Amazon. If you all five of my books are free on Amazon, if you're a prime member. So, but as you study that, man, what a gift, what a gift to the universe that, that man was. So you're reading the right book. 3 (22m 16s): Oh man, I love his quotes. I use them all the time and it's like, I wish we learned to that side of him a little bit more too. And school like the philosophical side or like the spiritual side, because he definitely seemed to be someone that believed in more. And so are you familiar with Jamie wheel? So he works out with Steven Kotler. He's an author. He talks a lot about like flow states, spirituality, philosophy, that kind of stuff. That he's just kind of an intellect. So he rewrote, he wrote this book, it's his newest one. It's called recapture the rapture. And it's on like sex philosophy purpose. 3 (22m 56s): And he says like a God shaped hole that we're trying to fill like that. He was saying that with like the death of religion, the loss of community, essentially because we're living like these nomadic lives and everything is digitized that it's left a God-shaped hole and our heart. So I was curious as far as your take on the role of spirituality when it comes to happiness. 0 (23m 22s): Well, you know, I talk a lot about the science of happiness and all of the data that shows that the happiest people have things and, and, and are a part of his spiritual community, right? So you, you can't refute the data over and over and over and over again, know one of the other factors is if you work for yourself, you tend to be happier than somebody, you know? So there are indicators and you know, I always tell folks it's never too late to get back to God. Right. You know, I'm a believer and we are here for a purpose, all of us as a purpose and it's in your heart. 0 (24m 10s): So, you know, you had asked me earlier, how does somebody find their purpose? Just look into your heart. You've been, you know, for a lot of folks they've been holding down that purpose. They're afraid. They're afraid because if they, if they live in purpose, right, they could fail. Nobody wants to fail. But I took a continuing education course at Stanford on failure. One of the greatest courses I ever took. Right. And the more that you said, the more that you say, you know what I'm going to, I'm going to fulfill my purpose. And I don't care if I fail, the more wonderful things show up and you have to understand that we serve a loving God who is for you, right. 0 (24m 54s): It's not some old man in the sky is like, you did this. So I'm gonna punish you for that. And know, all of life is a gift. It's beautiful. You know, there was a show back in the late sixties, early seventies, it was called. Life is worth living. You know, we, all of the problems that we have today are not new, right. Suicide was a problem. Back then disenfranchisement was a problem back then and all throughout. And it was by Archbishop fault machine, right. And today you would never have a Catholic Bishop get his own show. Right. And he was such, he was the Archbishop, the New York. 0 (25m 36s): He was such a colorful man. He would wear tapes and he was, he should have been on Broadway. Right. But he speak to people, even people that didn't have faith, it's kind of like the Joel Olsteen and of today. Right? A lot of people who have no faith or, and not have the Christian faith or Joel Osteen, why? Because he's positive. It's a focus on sin. He doesn't focus on what a lot of people associate with faith. Right? So that's what I like to do in my personal life. And in my itinerant preaching, because I do about three podcasts a week, I get hired by corporate demands, nonprofits, I guess the lecturer at Stanford university and other universities. 0 (26m 26s): This is what gives me joy to share the life is beautiful. And to share the data on what lives, the happy life and getting back to your point, yes. People that have faith are happier than people who don't 3 (26m 41s): Have you read the book, a, the book of joy, bye. The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop. I think it's Desmond Tutu. 0 (26m 50s): You know, I have, but somebody who's really good for your podcast is very sure the ambassador of joy. Have you met him yet to write that down? Bearish yore, the ambassador of joy. He is a hoot. So Barry's story is extremely successful. Diamond merchant, where I living in Venice, California goes to bed, wakes up paralyzed, can't move. Wow. And, and how does somebody who can't move experience joy again? 0 (27m 31s): And that's what Barry's mission is. Barry's late sixties, early seventies, the enthusiasm that Barry brings out and he, and he has to find his way back to mobility. So he swims two miles a day. He can walk. Now he's got a big giant Moses staff, and I just love his positivity. 3 (27m 52s): And would you say that there is a difference between happiness and joy? 0 (27m 57s): Yes. I believe that. And now they're, they're very interconnected. They're very, they're very similar feelings, but I think that joy is more of a fleeting feeling. Whereas happiness can be more sustainable. Right. I have my own business. I it's called the happiness wealth management. Right. What else would I call it by the way? Right. And, and what I do, that's different. You know, I was a senior vice president at Merrill Lynch, had a corner office, top producer, and I just wasn't happy. It doesn't matter how much money you make you that money does not equal happiness. 0 (28m 41s): You know, there's a Princeton study that says in the United States, if you're a family of four and you make $70,000, you're as happy as Warren buffet. And I totally understand that because all I've done for 30 years, you know, on, on my money side is, is make other people more money. But what I do now is I sit down with, with new clients and I say, okay, well, what makes you happy? And how can we get more of that? You see money as a tool. And a lot of people don't know how to effectively use that tool for the greater credit and not only four, the greater good in the community, but for their own happiness. 0 (29m 31s): Let me tell you a story. I had a client who has the ability, the most miserable person you've ever been in your whole life. And he, he had a hoarding mentality, right? You can get to a billion dollars or less well, most of the time, unless you're a hoarder, right. More and more and more, more, more, more, more, more, more cause like the short to get there that fast, you've really got to get down deep and he couldn't spend money. I remember he got back from a vacation. I said, how has your vacation and Franz? He goes, that was great. He goes, oh, you get great lines. And the supermarket for $5. And I said, Norman, you're 80 years old. 0 (30m 14s): It's time to buy the goods. And, and I said, okay, in terms of the state planning, how are we going to, to, to give out this money? He goes, well, I'm going to give it all the way when I'm dead. And I said, why not give it away when you were alive? And then you can be honored so that you can see the joy that this money will give it to the community. And you can see the smiles on people's faces know. So that's the difference and what I used to do to what I do today. And, and we come up with the most tax efficient way to give away your money. 0 (30m 54s): And I'm not saying all of your money, fucking gone to the stuff here, you know, a small portion of your money so that you can enjoy the gift of giving while you're still alive. 3 (31m 6s): Yeah. And pretty much every study also shows very clearly that giving is a huge factor and how, how much happiness that you have as well. So they call it, this was in the book of joy. They call it altruistic giving or altruistic reciprocal altruism. I'm sorry. And they say that it shows up as early as six months. So if you give a bunch of toys to a six month old and, and above that, they'll often opt for the ones that are like helpful because they actually experience happiness and joy from helping out mom and dad. So example like a lot of little kids, once they start walking, is they like to clean? 3 (31m 46s): So they pretend vacuum and they pretend does. And that's because a well, yes, they see mom and dad doing it, but they also know what's helpful. And it brings, makes them, you know, it makes them happy. So at the earliest of ages, there's that biological need and us right now. And then we also have this darker side that is like, well, what about me? And it's very, very ego-driven. And it's like, again, like you said, that hoarding mentality of more and more and more, so it's like, well, which one's going to, which one is gonna win. And that's the one that you feed, right? It's the one that you practice. So it's like the smallest opportunities forgiving or helping someone else like start there and then just figure out like, how can I scale? 3 (32m 34s): This is gonna make a huge difference. They also call it a, the helper's high, which like releases endorphins. It's anti-aging and so good for you. So it's like, if you need anything money, like you said, to a point in the U S it's about $70,000, isn't going to really do much. But if you give something, if you give and whatever you have, like, whether it's like blankets to a dog shelter, you go and you buy a sandwich for someone that's like, you know, homeless on the corner. Some things small is just going to have such an impact on you and your longevity and your state of being what, like something crazy happened somewhat, somewhat recently, I was driving whole foods and there was this homeless man on the corner. 3 (33m 19s): And there's usually like one or two that are there. And, you know, you just like, see 'em. And it was just, it's just is right. For some reason, I got like the number of 25 and my head and just like copped in. And I was like, well, that's weird. Maybe I'm like supposed to get a gift card or something and hand it to them. And then they can go buy some groceries or something, some inline. And this woman was with her probably one-year old and they were cashing out and she was very stressed and I feel like frantic and just trying to pay. And I could tell that she was using an EBT card, so they'd go, okay, well, that'll be $25. And when I heard that, I perked up because I was like, oh, this is weird. 3 (34m 0s): And she goes, well, I just gave you the card. And they're like, well, there's a balance of $25. And you could tell that she was searching through her wallet, even though she knew there wasn't anything in there. And she looked at the cashier and she's like, well, I don't know what to do. And then the cashier was like, well, I don't know what to do. Let me see if I can talk to my manager. And I was like, I'll take it. And they both just looked at me shocked. And I was like, I'll take it. It's fine. Just like, I'll, I'll give you my card and whatever. And then she started crying and the cashier got emotional and I was getting emotional and I'm still getting emotional. And this was like a month or so ago. And I was like, so fortunate that like, that turn of events happened. And I it's still the trips me out because I'm like, I don't know. 3 (34m 44s): Like, I can't say that's a coincidence. Right. But to get back to it, like, there's, there's not a lot that I've done for myself that made me as happy as that $25 purchase. Right. Like, I mean, I bought myself a horse and that horse didn't make me as happy giving the, you know, so yeah. I mean, I definitely, I challenge any of the listeners to do something small because you have no idea how it's going to make you feel and how it's going to affect somebody else. 0 (35m 16s): You know, I'm the founder of the Happiness Hall of Fame and in the hall is the mother Teresa's missionaries of charity. We recognize to celebrate and encouraged people and organizations that make other people happy. It's my 5 0 1 C3. And I contacted mother Theresa's missionaries of charity in San Francisco where they have a common. And I told him that I would like to honor them and have them come out to Stanford university for a big annual gala event. And they said, well, we'll have to check with India. And they called me back and they said, India says that to go, but we can't come to the event because we can't be photographed. 0 (36m 2s): And I said, okay. I said, when would you like me to come up there to give you the award? And so we set up at the time and the date, my daughter at the time was 10 years old. And I went up there with the award at check and I wanted them to have a really good dessert. I have a sweet tooth, right. It's generation. And so I said, I want these wonderful ladies to have a great dessert. And I wanted my daughter to see these amazing women who give their entire lives to the poor, to the unseen. 0 (36m 43s): So we go up there and I found that I was one of the few men ever allowed into the convent. And I gave the mother superior the cupcakes. And she said, oh, thank you, Michael. Our friends on the street will really enjoy this. Now, Candice, there are moments in one's life where just words will change your trajectory. It was in that moment when she said our friends on the street, I started to see the unseen. I started to seeing that the people that I've been avoiding are my friends. 0 (37m 24s): So that launched my homeless outreach, which gives me some of the greatest joy. And you know, one of the, my favorite stories from that is that through the outreach, I had been visiting with a young man on the street, my friend, Zach, for about six months. And he always had a San Francisco giants hat of some sort something San Francisco giants, and Zach was born without the ability to stand up. He's like a modern hunchback. He has to drag himself by the knuckles in order to go forward. 0 (38m 4s): And I said, so what are the desires of your heart? What are your dreams? And he said, my, my greatest dream is to meet the players of my favorite team and the San Francisco giants. Now the San Francisco giants are in the happiness, all a fan. And they had just come out to Stanford and the brothers three world series trophy's and they talked about how they make people happy off the field, through community outreach. I'm making a movie. I had already filmed them for the movie and called it the front office, which I had made a great relationship with. And I said, you know, there's a friend of mine, Zach, can you make his dream come true? 0 (38m 47s): And they said, Mike, not only will we make his dream come true. We will have you guys come up during our premier game of the year. Again, the story hated rival's the LA Dodgers. Cause there's quite a competition between the two cities and you can take up Zack for batting practice. And I said, oh my gosh, that's amazing. I go and pick up Zack, put that on my car. We go up to the giants. They meet us with two bags, full of swag hats, or has everything he's he's, he's just amazing. We set up his wheelchair, I'm wheeling him out on to the field. 0 (39m 27s): And he says to me, Mike, this is one of the greatest days of my mind. And I said, Zach, this is one of the greatest things of my life. Right? So that's how I use the hole. I used to it to leverage so I can make people happier right now. How did I come up with the happiness hall of fame? I made it up hair, right? And I've gotten to meet Muhammad Ali, Muhammad Ali. I have met some of the most amazing people out of complete thin air. So if you're hearing the sound of my voice, whatever your dream is, how can come true if you have a noble intention? 0 (40m 12s): So go for it. You know, I was supposed to meet Dr. Wayne Dyer who had a profound effect on my life. And for those that don't know, Wayne, he attend PBS specials on self-improvement. He wrote 41 books and I was supposed to meet him in Phoenix, Arizona, and give him the award in person. Cause he was, you know, worldwide. He could never come to the event, Stanford. And so I was so excited to me, you know, one of my luminaries and unfortunately the week before he died of a heart attack. So he would always say, go for it. 0 (40m 53s): And now the future is promise to know, and, and that really did, you know, really ameliorate those words in my life. That if you have something that's important to you to go for it now. 3 (41m 9s): So it's something that we touched on a little earlier. So when you have this moment for both of you, right? You both say like, this is one of, if not the greatest moment of my life, how do you sustain that? 0 (41m 23s): Well, you make progress in your purpose. You have to know what your purpose is. We are here for a reason. You know, a lot of my friends on the street are mentally ill, so that's a different subset, but I'd say about 15% of my friends on the street don't have a purpose and they have allowed themselves to succumb to alcohol and trucks. Right. Why? Because they didn't identify their purpose and he didn't make progress in that. So how do you sustain happiness by being a good person by writing down your goals and going forward, staying on track, that's how you can sustain your happiness. 3 (42m 6s): Yeah. And I'd like to add like the interconnected element as well. Right? So having interpersonal relationships, like having a solid support system, one of the things that I think is a problem with the modern hustle culture that we see, like the millennials and the gen Z, that they're just soaking it up, right? Like that Gary V culture of work, work, work, work, work, and then a little bit of time and a little bit of family time and a little bit of friend time. And I was like, well, what's that going to be for? Because if you're not putting an energy to maintain those other relationships, they're not going to self-sustain most of the time, especially when you're in your twenties or your thirties. 3 (42m 47s): And then it probably gets worse as everyone starts having kids, because then there's even less time for yourself, let alone other people. So it's like, well, what is it for? Like, is it for a legacy? Because then you have to hope that you found a partner that's willing to deal with your hundred and 80 hour work week or whatever the heck some of these people are doing. So I think what we're missing is a sense of balance and, and not prioritizing those relationships. Do you see, so I guess if you just look at the data I was listening to it. This was part of that Jamie wheel book that I just started, they were saying that more people, and we know this hits men worse and it hits women, but more people commit suicide than die from all natural disasters and all like war or military intervention combined like that modern day statistics. 3 (43m 46s): So we see this huge spike in this alarming area. We see people that are also trying to work themselves to death, like in G and G a Japanese culture that is actually a term for working yourself to death. Cause it happens so often. When are we going to start seeing that conversation shifts to prioritizing yourself and your happiness and your relationships, not status and finance and comparing like who did the most spreadsheets? 0 (44m 18s): Well, you know, I think your talking to the perfect person, because you know them, I'll be 30 years in finance and in America to biggest taboo that we have is telling somebody how much you make, what was the last time you sold so many, how much you make? Probably never. Right. And you wouldn't tell your brother, you wouldn't tell your sister it's seen as bragging or you're afraid to admit to it or what your net worth is yet. What I do for a living, I simply can't work with you unless right off the bat, I know how much you make and what your net worth is. It could be that that's American law. I need to know, is it fiduciary? 0 (44m 59s): And so that way I can make the right recommendations. So once that hurdle is breached, all of the sudden I become a financial therapist or these people, everything comes out. I know which child they don't like write the most outrageous thing is over the last 30 years. And I love it. This is where I'm supposed to be. So I can give people wise counsel, how to live a balanced life, right? So I have all of the extremes. I have the trust fund babies. I have the workaholics and that's why I not only manage the money for these folks. 0 (45m 40s): So that one day they don't have to work. And what they've saved up can provide them a wonderful retirement and provide a legacy for their children and all of the good things and to also fulfill their philanthropic needs, but also to map out what are your passions? Why are you spending so much time at work? Since I can see right here, you don't need to every thought about golf, right? Let me tell you something about golf. I hated golf if somebody started. 0 (46m 21s): Cause I, you know, some of my clients felt that if somebody started to talk about golf, I would feel wrong for being, having this precious time that her it's stolen by hearing about their golf game. Right? And then on June 11th of last year and my sister called me and my sister Roshi, and who's just going to amazing loving. She's a a hundred percent heart and God she's in my life. And she said, my, you know, daddy's and state, this is the last check from it. You know, my, my dad passed away a couple of years ago. Amazing man. He loved to go. One of my favorite lines of his poetry wrote poetry for 15 years loved is the center point of which, how can you argue that you can't write, I had $2,800 check that I'm gonna send to you. 0 (47m 16s): And then we'll be the end of the estate. My dad didn't believe much. Right? But he left me with love, oh my God, the memories I have about my dad, he was the Irish Frank Sinatra. I'm gonna do something like that money. I said, I've been seeing on Facebook, all my friends around the world, that golf, they can golf Durham code. And all they have is big smiles on their face. And they're in groups of people because this was right on the tip of cocaine. I said, I think that I'm going to take that money. And I'm going to buy a set of golf clubs and golf lessons. And she's just do that. Mick. She goes, daddy loves to go. And she was going to be such a tribute to them. 0 (47m 57s): I said, okay, I locked my front door in my office. I walked out, I got the cheapest set of clubs, $430. And I went to the range and I fumbled around and try to get that all offer to you. It's almost impossible without lessons. But what I just recently did is I joined a country club here in Millbrae Greenville's and on Saturday night they had a winemaker's dinner and all of these people were there and everybody was so happy. And I'm being introduced to a guy who reminded me of Chris. Farley was still alive, right. He looked like a wars for this big gray mustache and a hearty laugh, you know, and big smallness face. 0 (48m 41s): And I would, I would tell people that you give golf a shot because it's, I call it social yoga. You are around people. And yet there are moments where you have to have precise body movements where you need to focus. Right. And you're out. Cause I always tell people to go out for a walk. It's one of the greatest walks you can have beautiful park-like setting. So yeah. You know, throw in throwing a little golf and, and it can really help you. 3 (49m 14s): My father-in-law's going to love that little soundbite. So he loves golf. My husband loves golf. It's something that they really bond over every time that he's down visiting, they go to the country club and the golf. And we, we joke because the youngest member at the club is two years old. So his parents don't play, but they bought a sports membership for their two year old because he plays golf and he has his little caddy bag and it's like the cutest thing you've ever seen. And one of the things that I really do, I don't golf. But one of the things that I appreciate about golf is that it's something that you can play in your later years. 3 (49m 56s): And it's something that you can play at the, the sunrise of your years as well. So it's like inter-generational and you can go to like the 19th hole or whatever. It's like dads and granddads and grand-children, and they're all golfing together. And it's just like such a bonding experience that everyone can kind of connect with. And there's very few activities that you can say that for that you can play that long. And there's like a great meditative quality, as I understand as well, like quieting mind when it comes to actually hitting the ball where you want it to go. So I, I believe in that, I believe in yoga. I think both of those are great exercises just for spending time. 3 (50m 38s): Not only with other people, but like with yourself and figuring out like, who is this person, right? Like what is driving that, that, because to me, happiness is a hundred percent dependent on your lens and like how you choose to show up in the world and how you choose to react with everything. So it's accepting that shit is going to happen. And I'm not always going to be able to do anything about it. But what I can do about it is how I choose to show up and how I choose to react and how I choose to look at this. Like, is this a lesson? Or is this a failure? Both are the same thing. One is just for me. And one is against me and that's like a huge shift. 3 (51m 18s): And like just your state and how you see the world. And you want to see to this ripple effect of how it shows up in other areas of your life. 0 (51m 27s): Candice, the world needs you. You have, you have it together. My dear, you, you are the complete package. And you know what the shame is that somebody like you doesn't have a show once a week two to, to really you talk about all of the beautiful facets of life. You know, you can go to that. Your life is worth living and take onward, Archbishop bolt machine, you know, left off. Like, it's a shame that we don't on television. We don't have these positive influences. Like your show, you go to Netflix, it's just crime violence. 0 (52m 7s): Oh, it's terrible. Right. So they, you, I am grateful for the light that you're shining on the world. Oh, 3 (52m 14s): Well thank you to, yeah. It's, it's really interesting. So I'm sure you're familiar with like the negative bias 0 (52m 22s): Or U S so 3 (52m 25s): That we, from an evolutionary standpoint, biological standpoint, we are predisposed like predisposed to pick out the bad versus the good it's like for every nine to 10 positive things. One thing that's negative will stand out more powerfully than the others combined. And they say it's because, you know, and we were getting chased by lions, tigers and bears that this was very important that those things stood out just for survival. But now our biology hasn't necessarily caught up to this high-tech world that we're living. And so that still they're. So that thing that you use to be alive and tiger, or bear is now a bad comment on YouTube or someone trolling you on Instagram or it's that crime television, like we're just drawn to it. 3 (53m 9s): And the powers that be know, and I know that this is true and they kind of, I guess, take advantage in a way. So I think you brought up a really good point when you brought up Netflix, it's so important to be mindful of what you're consuming digitally. And it's so interesting to me that one of the trending topics for podcasts is actually true crime. It's like one of the number one, if not the number one category, especially for women, which is so interesting because we make like, we make up 90% of the victims. So it's like, why are you doing that to yourself? Like, you're doing something to your subconscious that I don't think you're fully aware of. You're going to start instilling like this fear and anxiety that you probably don't want to be there. 3 (53m 52s): And maybe like this cynical world view. So I think it's super important to be hyper vigilant about what you consume when I was pregnant, my husband was hilarious. Like I would joke. And it's probably, some people are probably not going to think it's funny, but I would joke at the house turned into like North Korea because he would monitor what I was reading, what I was doing on my phone, what I was watching on TV. He's like, this will be a Zen space for that baby. That's in your belly. And like my girlfriend, she loves that horror, horror books. And she had suggested when he's like, absolutely not get this out of the house. So he lives that as well. 3 (54m 33s): So I was curious as someone who's like a happiness expert, do you ever indulge in like crime movies or murder mysteries or anything like that? 0 (54m 43s): No. Everything that you've said is true. Look, our brains are computers. If you're feeding it, these true crime things, you're not going to feel safe in your own reality. You're as you want to go out at night, because everything you're consuming is when you go out at night, people murder, you, you got to look at your husband's like, is this guy? And like, you know, who's that guy, you know, it's funny, like the guy's just murder. He shouldn't be on tape. And then what about like, oh, you know, Janice would light up a room, you know, as soon as you heard Janice would light up a room like, oh, she's getting murdered. 0 (55m 25s): I shouldn't light up rooms. It's terrible. You have to guard 3 (55m 28s): Your heart. I couldn't agree more. Yeah. Guard your heart guard. Your mind. All of it is, is so important. They say that when it comes to like the levels of your consciousness, so your memories of what you can actively retrieve is a fraction of the processor that's happening in the subconscious. So it's, even though you might not be able to pull a memory or point at and emotion and say, yeah, I feel that, that it can be happening on it. And then on a level that you're unaware of. So it all does kinda matter. Everything is the frequency. Everything is energy. And it's like, well, where do you want to be vibrating at? Do you want to be vibrating at yeah. 3 (56m 12s): Vibrating at like joy, peace, love, happiness, all of those good things. Yeah. You know, 0 (56m 22s): Did Jesus, they shall know you by the company that you keep write that also extends to, to the media that you consume. But you know, if you're hanging out in a bar with alcoholics and barflies, what's going to happen to you, if you were consuming media that says that you are a victim and it's only a matter of time till you get murdered, what are you going to think? Right. So I love comedies. I love watching sports. We're the underdog can succeed. Look, I'm in New York jets fan. If you were to cut me open and I'm 99% scar tissue, okay. I love the underdog. 0 (57m 4s): I like to watch the shows where the underdog becomes the Victor, right? And those kinds of shows. That's why we love watching, you know, you know, fiction because you can associate with that person that's being held down. And then when they finally rise to the top, you're like, you S you feel yourself in that role. And what I say to people watching movies and all of that stuff is fine, but why not be the hero of your own story in reality, how can you rise above your current circumstances? How can you make a difference, not on your television, but out in the real world that COVID hopefully is basically older. 0 (57m 51s): How are you going to reset yourself? Who was the person that you've been aching to become, going to break out of that cocoon of safety and take a chance? You know, I love Bernay brown and, you know, she studies vulnerability and courage, right? And she says, you know, picture yourself in the arena. Right. And, you know, think of an MMA fight, right? You have two fighters going at it for life and death. And then in the crowd, half the crowd will be for one person. The other crowd will be for the other person. So there's always boos raining in on those to people. Have you ever watched to fight where they stopped and they turn around and say, please stop booing. 0 (58m 37s): You're hurting my feelings, right? No, they keep going at it. What I want people to know is that person that you're fighting in the arena is yourself, put down your Duke's stuff, fighting yourself, ignore the haters. You know, not everybody is going to agree with what your dreams are. You know, getting back to what we watch. I love watching guy Fietti on diners drive-ins and dives. My mom was a cook, right? My wife and I are both foodies. We love restaurants and guys in the hall, I got to meet them. And it's not just because he's got that show. You know, unfortunately in California we have fire season and he cooks for a couple of weeks. 0 (59m 20s): For the first. He told me that he does a lot of work for Make-A-Wish, who is in the hall and dying children. And one time I was watching diners drive-ins and dives as a family, because it's a great family show and I've turned to my wife. And I said, you know what, when we're retired, this is what we'll do. We'll rent a mobile home and we'll go across this big, beautiful country. I'll follow the restaurants that he went to, that we found appealing. And it will be a great, you know, summer vacation or whatever. And she turns to me, and she says, well, good luck with it. And the thing is that not everybody sees your perspective of dreams. 0 (1h 0m 4s): She doesn't want to ever step into a mobile home, you know? And so, and so don't be afraid to the fact that, you know, whatever, the deep recesses of your heart, when you bring it up and not everybody's going to be for it, that's okay. That's not their purpose that yours. 3 (1h 0m 25s): Yeah. And I think that comes down to just like knowing yourself on an authentic level and like what you need. And like you said, not being afraid to kind of go after it. I think one thing that makes it difficult in, in this age of social media. So we compare a lot or we see something that works and then we're like, okay, well maybe if I just replicate that instead of doing what feels right here, that that's going to make me successful and then therefore it happy. So it's trying to find, I guess, the most authentic path to those things I'm in that book have joy that you were talking about, how envy and M and V and loneliness are like to have the biggest players when it comes to unhappiness. 3 (1h 1m 17s): So it's realizing that suffering usually has a purpose. You just have to kind of dig to find out what it is, and you can probably do it with both of those negative emotions if you would, as well. So are you familiar? There's this M study, excuse me, there's the study that they did with chimpanzees and it's kind of on fairness and NV. And it also shows that that is just kind of our wiring. So it's like, I feel like as human beings, we're constantly trying to overcome our biology. Like we have this big, beautiful brain and its like, how can we overcome our more primitive tendencies? So they had one of the monkeys compare, complete a task and they gave it a cucumber and he was like, okay, this is great. 3 (1h 2m 3s): I got to cucumber. And, and he watches and one of the other, I'm sorry, chimpanzees, chimpanzees do the same task and get a great, and he's like, oh cool, I'm going to get a grape next. Like that's an upgrade. Does the task again. And he gets another cucumber and he's like how this goes. And eventually the ki the monkey that was getting the cucumber loses it. And he's like, he goes up in the spirit of rage because he's like, this is not as good as that. This is not fair. And, and in essence, it came down to understanding like fairness and envying the group and being someone that had something better up until he saw that grape, the cucumber was just fine. 3 (1h 2m 46s): And I feel like so much of the time it's going to sound hysterical, but so much of the time we're that monkey with the cucumber on social media, you know what I mean? So its like how do we get in a place where we can have gratitude and appreciation instead of just saying, well, I want that now. 0 (1h 3m 5s): So first of all, everybody's looking for a quick hack, quick hack. Right. And what you said is entirely correct. We have these base instincts for survival that were put into place so that we could survive as a species. And we're always trying to overcome that. Right. So, and, and that's why, you know, when I got my degree in psychology, I just, I just, I have this voracious knowledge for studies just like that. You know, they talk about crabs crabs. Won't let the other crab, you know, as they're trying to get out of the pot, they will grab them. 0 (1h 3m 45s): Oh yeah, yeah. You know, that's what we're finding. So one of the things that I tell people to do is before you go to bed instead of re rehashing of the day, which is what we do as a species and we, we, we try to fix what went wrong, right? Like, oh, I should've said this or I should've done this better or whatever, that's a downward spiral. You have to make a conscious effort to choose happiness. Right. And to choose gratitude. So what I tell folks is just before you're going off to sleep, start listing the things that went in your favor, the things that you're grateful for, you know, maybe it was a salad that was made by somebody that loves you. 0 (1h 4m 32s): You know, whenever you have, I mean, this is, this is a platitude that's out there and saddle it's never tastes as good if you make them yourselves. I don't know why that is, but it's the truth. Right? And you know, I was just in Iceland at the top of the world and we stayed at a guest house. I was with my wife and my two kids and my father-in-law and my sister-in-law and the guest house wasn't fancy. And the woman Ellen that older. And she was like an add that you see in the movies, just nothing but gushing love and positive energy. 0 (1h 5m 12s): And I'd say she was about 60 years old and she was where she needed to be in life. And she made soup for us. That was it. At night, she made meat soup. It was called, right. It was, it was lamb. The deliciousness of this simple soup was you almost wanting to cry. And she came in and she's like, what do you think of the meat soup? I said, hell and I have stayed at some of the finest five-star restaurants and hotels restaurants. You have seven star resort here with your needs because the love that you have put into this is unbelievable. 0 (1h 5m 55s): And she baked bread, sourdough bread, and I'm at the top of the world and it was the best. And I live in the sourdough Capitol, the world, the best sourdough you've ever had cause it was made. So, you know, just to be grateful for the simple things in mind that you have conscious thoughts, right. Unfortunately, some of my clients have Alzheimer's right. And I've, I've had them as clients for 20 years and I've seen the progress to go down. Right. And, but the fact that you have conscious lives, that is something that you can be grateful for. 3 (1h 6m 37s): Iceland was one of my favorite vacations. I think I've ever taken. I, oh my gosh. When we got there and w and we, well, sweet, we went there in December. So I didn't realize that it was dark most of the time, but it was so cool. It was, I'm actually like really glad it worked out that way because to see the sun never actually rise, it just kind of hovers on the horizon and then it goes back down. It's like, it's nothing I'm going to, I'm not going to do justice by describing it, but it's just something that you would have to experience. But it's like do seeing the volcanoes and like the black beaches that are covered, covered in these pebbles and just like the architecture and everything there. 3 (1h 7m 23s): And I'm like, I understand why the Vikings showed up and were like, this is the land of the gods, because it is just, it's magical. There's just an energy. 0 (1h 7m 32s): Yeah. It's, it's an unreal place. You know, there we are. And it's 38 degrees at the end of June. Right. And we're on a Zodiac in the north Atlantic. Okay. Looking at puffins. And by the way, did you get to see the ocean? No, they 3 (1h 7m 50s): Weren't there. I guess they left a couple months before 0 (1h 7m 55s): They have no right to be flying. It's like the bumblebee science doesn't understand how the Bumble bee can fly the puff. It has to has to flap its wings 400 times a minute in order to sustain flight. Wow. It's the craziest cutest look and bird. And it's, it's just a crazy place. And one of our cab drivers, you know, I'm in multiple layers, multiple coats, and the son doesn't go to the animal twelve-thirty and the cab driver gets out and he's just wearing a short sleeve shirt. And I said, aren't you call him? And he goes, no, I'm a hundred percent Icelander and good moving. 0 (1h 8m 37s): I slammed there, but you know, the history of that country. And they're also nice and the food is great. 3 (1h 8m 46s): And I asked, did you eat? So my husband and I were like super foodies as well. And then we also try to eat like the historical food are the food and the culture when we travel. So we had the rotted shark, and then we had sheep's head. Did you have either of those? 0 (1h 9m 3s): Okay. So we took a food tour. My wife that I love to travel are fondest memories are the food tours. So if you, you want happiness for you travel guide and going to the food towards the best thing you can do. So yes, for those of you don't know what we're talking about. I didn't know this, but one of the oldest living animals, it's the Greenland, Shork, it's 400 that can live up to a 400. And the reason why it's because it basically pickles itself. And then if you were to eat the Greenland shark, you would die because it's so poisonous. So they ferment it. 0 (1h 9m 43s): So yes, I had to Greenland shark, not great, but it didn't feel me. 3 (1h 9m 51s): It was an intense experience. I only had the, the place that we went and they served the shark and a shot glass, and it was like two cubes of it. And they served shops on the side. So you chase the, with the schnapps to help get rid of the funk. So I had one of the cubes and I was like, well, that's interesting and unique and intense. Like one cube is good for me. My husband finishes both pieces and he's like, they have to get another order. I want to experience that again. How are you doing? I mean, he's got like some Viking blood and him, so I don't know if that's what it was, but I was like, count me out on that. On 0 (1h 10m 30s): Chopped me out to, it was terrible. Did you try the, the preserved Cod fish that looks like the bottom side of our carpet? 3 (1h 10m 38s): Yeah. Oh yeah. We did all of those I've I wanted to explain, I was like, what is it like here? Like, what was it like when the Vikings had to pickle and fermented? Yeah, 0 (1h 10m 47s): Yeah, yeah. It's it's, I wish I'd went there as a younger man as well. You know, growing up in New York city, it's a four-hour flight, right. Four and a half hour flight. It's the closest part of Europe to America with the exception of Greenland. But I've met people from Greenland and they're like, don't go, you know, but it's, it's amazing. And I, and another thing that people should do is travel. If you don't have the money to travel to foreign countries, find a friend who has a color, and America has amazing destinations. 0 (1h 11m 31s): There really is no excuse not to travel inside the U S and to go to the ports of the interest. And we go to the jazz Fest every year and we'll be going in October. Have you done that yet? That's my gift to you. My gift to you and your, you sound like an amazing guy, his jazz Fest, it's two weekends. I think the second weekend as October 15th through the 18th, we go with the same group of folks. We get an Airbnb. And, you know, for those who haven't been, it's not just chance. It's 13 stages of music going off to the same time, hip hop, gospel, the big band country. 0 (1h 12m 18s): So whatever it is that you like, they have it. And you just go from stage to stage. There's the people that are great. Nobody's choking on your, and your shares there. The food of new Orleans, even there's amazing. It is. If you go, you'll meet other people that have made it a part of their lives and they wouldn't miss it for the moment. 3 (1h 12m 43s): Oh yeah. It goes that backed down to what does it, the five or six human basic human needs. And one of them is uncertainty or variety. So being able to travel is it's huge. It's like part of what is to be a human. And like you said, and you can get in a car, you can camp, you can go take a hike, find the closest trail to you. Like all of these things. I think that we don't find time for there's that time coming up again, right. Against us. Not for us. It's like, how well, how do you want to manipulate that tool so that you can have more of that? And I think that's one of the really cool things that happened with, with 2019 and, or I'm sorry, like 20, 20, 20, 21 people were forced to realize where they were spending their time and how much of it they were spending. 3 (1h 13m 35s): It would be stuck in home with like their wife and their kids' and say, I don't know that these people, who are you, what's your favorite color? I have no idea. You know what I mean to re-evaluating that? And then, and what I think is going to happen, because I don't know what it's like, where you're at, but people cannot find staff in North Carolina. Like every single building says, you know, we're hiring their restaurants are doing signing bonuses, which is unheard of because, so my husband owns a couple. I mean, the margins in a restaurant or a Bismal sort of offer signing bonuses is pretty nuanced. I think a lot of are going to redefine what they're worth, what they want to do, possibly do like a lot of gig work. 3 (1h 14m 17s): So like freelancing and not be beholden to a typical boss. If you would. I'm curious if with your clients, I'm like the financial side, have you seen a shift in people's careers or like where they're spending their time? Like postcode? 0 (1h 14m 35s): Not yet. Not yet, but when the little amount of time that we have left, what I'd like to say to folks is to choose yourself now is the time you you've had a year and a half of self-reflection give it a shot this time, right? Choose yourself. If you have an idea to start a business started. And, and if it doesn't work, you know what, sometimes you win and sometimes you learn you'll be enriched in your failure. So the next endeavor that you start up you'll know what accounting is. 0 (1h 15m 17s): You'll know what business insurance is. You'll know all of these things that you didn't know before. Right? So choose yourself now because time's running out 3 (1h 15m 30s): Well, before we wrap this baby up, do you want to tell everyone where they can follow you, follow you, how they can support you and any projects that you might be working on? 0 (1h 15m 42s): Sure. So if you want to professional speaker at your advantage as a Tino and speaker breakout groups go to the Mike Duffy speaks.com. If you want to watch some great videos that we captured at Stanford university on inductees, do the happiness. Holophane go to the happiness hall of fame on that call. And if you want to have a financial planner, that's been a focus on your happiness, as well as your money go to happiness, wealth management.com. 3 (1h 16m 18s): Well, great stuff. Honestly, if anyone was to specialize or spend over 30 years and a happiness, I would imagine that they were you like you were made to do what you're doing. I feel like you just exude light and happiness. And it was so wonderful. Getting to know you, 0 (1h 16m 37s): Candice, you are enjoy. I wish you all the best of success, but I know you don't even need it. I see wonderful things in your future. God bless you. 3 (1h 16m 47s): Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Before we wrap up this week's episode, I want to thank you for sharing this with a bunch of your friends. If you enjoyed this episode, and if you know anyone that would also enjoy this content, please share it with them. It is the number one way for me to help grow This podcast and have it turned out to be a success. So if you did enjoy it, please leave a five star review on apple podcasts or Spotify. Share my YouTube channel, share the podcast with a bunch of friends. And if you're feeling very generous, you can go to Chatting with Candice dot com. From there, you can either click that little link that says, buy me coffee. 3 (1h 17m 27s): That helps you out a ton. All of the proceeds go directly back into the podcast to help improve the quality of the content as well as by some ad space. And I'm actually going to be leaving Patrion. So you can now find me at Candice dot locals.com. It's very similar. One of the big things that's different with locals is that it's uncensored. And then I'm posting a lot of bonus content that you can only see on locals. And we're gonna start doing some members zooms. Doesn't that sound super fun. So you get to zoom with me and my subscribers. Think of it as like a fire fireside chat. We can delve into some podcast topics and just get to know one another. 3 (1h 18m 8s): It'll be fun. So I hope to see you on locals and thank you so much. And you're listening. Have a great day.