Emily is a leading expert in meditation for high performance and the founder of Ziva Meditation, where she developed the world meditation training program. She talks about heart and mind coherence, emotional alchemy, purging, and meditation practices to help live a more mindful life.
00:00:00 00:02:58 Activation and Breathing Exercises
00:04:39 Heart and Mind Coherence
00:09:38 Disconnected Women, “The Hug Factory”, and “The Hidden Messages”
00:14:07 Accepting, Processing, Enabling Emotional States
00:17:13 What is Emotional Alchemy?
00:20:56 Purging and Is Energy All the Same?
00:24:45 Vivid Dreams, Extraction, and an Orgasmic State
00:32:53 Punishment of Pleasure
00:35:27 Practicing Pleasure Prayer
00:38:51 Masculine Wounds and Trauma Responses
00:46:22 Sexually Charging Yourself Up
00:54:39 Measuring Frequencies
00:57:50 Meditation Practices
01:03:36 Inherent Shame Around Pleasure and Sexuality
01:08:27 Where to Find Emily
What is Emotional Alchemy?
The emotional alchemy process is a way to purge emotion and express yourself. It’s tapping into anything repressed, stuck, or wants to be witnessed anytime. Usually for a lot of people it’s anger, frustration, grief, or sadness, and through emotional alchemy, it’s lletting these emotions move through the body and letting yourself feel through somatic experience or expression such as dancing, punching, or sounding. Once you see and feel it in its entirety, it transmutes. However, the more we ignore these emotions, the louder they get. If we witness these feelings in their entirety, then these emotions are more likely to take a backseat instead of taking control of your life.
The Purge and Energy Work
We are communal beings by nature and there is power in that. Showing our emotions among ourselves has become so antithetical to the way that we’ve been socialized and conditioned, even more so in other cultures. To be witnessed and given permission to let our emotions rip, there is so much power in that. Vulnerability and safety can equal to trauma healing, while vulnerability and fear can equal re-traumatization.
Links and Resources
Ziva’s Free Masterclass: How to reduce your stress, overcome anxiety, and improve your sleep in 15 days
Teacher and emotional alchemist Emily Fletcher talks about our dreams, pleasures, emotional states, and meditation practices to help us heal and ease into mindfulness.
0 (0s): How do we hold the simultaneity of freedom, of equanimity, of equity, while not trying to be like the other side of the pole, whatever side that you are on. And that is irrespective of gender identity or sexual orientation. 1 (21s): Hello everybody. You're listening to Chatting with Candace. I am your host, Candice Horbacz. Before we get into this week's episode, we are gonna do our shout out. So I wanted to say a big thank you to Keith, to Roger, to Brandon, and to Michael. Thank you for all of those cups of coffee. All of that support goes right back into the podcast. As you'll see with this episode, we have an in-person guest, which is amazing. So all of these cups of coffee go right back into the show. And if you wanna Support the show like the mentioned above, you can go to Chatting with Candice dot com and you can click that link that says, buy me a coffee, or you can click the link that says Patreon. Both of those are great ways to Support the show. 1 (1m 1s): You can always leave a five star review, and if it's been a while, you can do it multiple times. We are gonna do a quick shout out for our Patreon members. So I wanted to say a big thank you to Bill, to Aiden and to KLAS and Keisha, hopefully I said your name properly. Thank you so much for being Patreon members. I really couldn't do this without all of you, so thank you so much. And I guess this episode needs a little bit of a preface because what I realized is I danced around the topic of what we get into, and I think maybe part of that is because I was a little bit nervous and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna get censored, or this episode is gonna get booted off of the algorithm because it, it is very intimate in nature and yeah, I noticed it after the fact. 1 (1m 45s): So I feel like I'm gonna give you a quick little 10,000 foot view like summary before we jump into it so you can know what the heck I'm talking about. And I hope to have Emily back again in person. I think we will definitely make that happen and we can get even deeper. So this episode, we're gonna explore a lot of topics. One of them includes the practice of what is being coined, Pleasure, Prayer or Pleasure practice. And the idea is it's using your Pleasure as a Manifestation tool. And you could do that through breath work and meditation and this very specific protocol that Emily has mastered and figured out. And my husband and I were lucky enough to have her share that with us in person the night before we recorded, which is incredible. 1 (2m 29s): And yeah, so it's, it's the idea of when you, when you harness your Pleasure, you become, you magnify your field and you're able to manifest on a much higher, more powerful level. And that can be as simple as giving yourself a Hug. It doesn't need to be anything that is crazy explicit or erotic. It can be, it can be, but it could also be a Hug. So it's whatever your body is allowing and honoring your own, your body as a guide and your body is telling you where it can sense for you to take it. And yeah, if you have any questions, leave them in the comments below. 1 (3m 12s): I can't wait to hear what you think about the episode. Please help me welcome the incredible, the magical Emily Fletcher. The beginning is always like the most, right? You just gotta get settled. 0 (3m 26s): Yeah, we'll do a little Activation or do you wanna do like intention setting? Sure. Okay, cool. So just close your eyes, big deep breath. Oh, hand up. Another big deep breath right into our hearts. Exhaling, ah, ah, dropping that breath all the way down. Imagining those two beautiful golden cords going down through your root, through your feet, through the floor, connecting to the core of the earth. Inhaling up that grounded fiery energy all the way up into your heart. Exhaling and imagine the frequency of pure, unconditional love flooding every single cell in your body. 0 (4m 12s): Feeling our hearts starting to get into coherence, activating that beautiful golden ring of light around us around all this equipment. And setting our intention for the ears, the minds, the hearts of everyone who will receive this conversation. That it is the ideal medicine that they're ready to receive for their highest evolution. Activating that crown so that we can be antennas and funnels for the divine to flow through us effortlessly, elegantly, and with so much love. And so it is. 1 (4m 52s): That's beautiful. That's the best way to start a podcast. Best way. Thank you so much. Hopefully the listeners are doing it too. Yeah, I love that you said heart coherence and getting into heart coherence. So I've done some brain training in the past and they focus a lot on like just getting coherence within your own mind. And then they eventually, if you get into the more advanced programs, you can get into like a coherence with someone in another room and then they get into heart coherence. And a lot of that has to do with Manifestation as well. So kind of like jumping right in. I guess a lot of us are probably going throughout life without that, that order like that organization right? 1 (5m 36s): With within our minds and within our hearts. So I think like meditation and a lot of these practices that we're gonna get into help establish that coherence. Is that correct? 0 (5m 46s): Yeah, it's, I think about it like a, if you ever go to the a show, like a live show or you go to a symphony and everyone's warming up, you know, you hear all the instruments like, and it's just like discordant weird dissonant thing. And then the conductor goes, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. And usually like one, one of the instruments plays one note. Then they all fall into not even harmony, but actually unison with that one note. And so if people don't have like a visceral feeling about coherence, is it, it's that it's from this many different things going on, your mind doing one thing, your heart doing another, your body doing another past, future fragmented, it goes from that into like, everything comes into coherence, which means that they're, they're talking to each other, they're listening to each other, and that you start to create these beautiful patterns. 0 (6m 36s): And one of the ways that we create coherence in the body in Ziva is that we use something called a mantra. And that word has been very, very hijacked by the wellness industry. People think that it means a slogan or like, my mantra is I'm a strong angry woman. And, and mantra's actually a Sri word that means mind, vehicle. And what we're doing is that we're using the science of cymatics or the science of sound, and that you utilize this sound. And even though you're not chanting it out loud, just like you have a a mind's eye, there's also a mind's ear. So, you know, we can all say like, sing in your mind right now somewhere over the rainbow and everyone can hear it, right? And so you're not hearing it out loud, but you could hear that in your mind. Well that's how the mantras work and they, they create this, this beautiful harmony inside. 0 (7m 20s): And there's some cool YouTube videos on cymatics where if you would put like a sheet of metal and then pour sand on it, you know, and play it with a violin or play it at a certain frequency music, it makes these beautiful sacred geometric shapes and patterns. Well that's what the mantra is doing inside of our bodies. And so it's, it's creating, we're we're something like 70 to 90% water, right? So that's very mutable, it's very changeable. And so the thoughts that we're thinking the way that we're Breathing these mantras, they can help to create that, that coherence. 1 (7m 49s): I didn't know that's what a mantra did internally. And what's really interesting, I'm curious if it's the same when you're just repeating it in your mind versus when you're reading, but I don't know if you know this or not, so I was listening to an Andrew Huberman podcast who endorses Ziva, so wanted to throw that out there because he's like the daddy of science right now. I don't know. He is 0 (8m 6s): So popular. He wrote the forward to my book, he's also a Ziva graduate and we did a course together called Mastering Your Brain, which is really awesome. But I'm so proud of him, like he's just like rocking it. 1 (8m 17s): Yeah, he's on fire right now. Yeah, yeah. I I love that for him. So he was saying in one of his episodes that when you're reading, you actually are creating an inaudible sound, so your vocal chords are actually working even though you're not using them. Oh. So I wonder if that vibration is also kind of, I guess it has to be, it's the same if it's creating that co coherence throughout your body. Well, I would think 0 (8m 39s): About it like any other input where if like, if you're eating food, that food is going to merge with your cells, with your consciousness, it's gonna impact you. Like if you eat a chia seed smoothie, it's gonna have a different effect on you than eating a cheeseburger. And similarly, if you read one book, it's gonna have a different effect than another book. And so it's like the, the consciousness of the book is merging with your consciousness. Not to get too esoteric, but I had not thought about that, that about the, the larynx function or that you're making like an inaudible sound. But I think that Jim Quick, who's another Ziva graduate and brain Yeah. 1 (9m 11s): And a friend of me too. Yeah, I, I was like, oh my gosh, we're all kind of connected in this weird way. 0 (9m 15s): I love Jim, but I think he teach, you know, he teaches speed reading and he teaches people how to read a book a week. And I think it has something to do with transcending that piece of that you're not speaking it to where it's really just sort of like going right into the brain. So that'd be an interesting thing to explore. 1 (9m 29s): I've wanted to check out that course. I'm like, imagine that superpower of being able to read a book a day, I think, oh 0 (9m 34s): Is it a book a day than 1 (9m 35s): He does? Some people are doing a book a day, I think at his height maybe he was, that was his goal, which is insane. Wow. You're just downloading so much information. I 0 (9m 43s): Remember my head of marketing, she went, she took her second maternity leave and she was like, yeah, I wanna get the gym quick course to learn to speed read on my maternity leave. And I was like, perhaps you forgot what maternity leave 3 (9m 54s): Is like, but you aren't gonna be reading a book a day, girl. It's not like a break. 1 (9m 59s): Also like how Disconnected so many of us women are with that whole process is astounding to me because for we have this program that we have to be, do, do, do all the time to when we are doing maternity leave, we're like, well what can I do while I'm on maternity leave? What can I learn? How can I make this the most valuable? And it's like, no, that is supposed to be internal. Yeah, I mean some people don't want you to leave the bed for two weeks. Like in a lot of Asian cultures you don't leave the house for 40 days. Yeah. Like it's very serious. Yeah. My housekeeper, she's Spanish and I was walking around the house without socks right after and she's like, no, no, no, no, you need to put socks on and a hat. And it's all about like staying warm and like protecting your chi and your energy. 1 (10m 42s): And she's like, you get back in bed. And I was so grateful for her because she was part of that female tribe that I really didn't have in the postpartum and I'm so grateful for her. But a lot of us don't have that and we're not even being that for ourselves. Like we're just so Disconnected with what our body needs. Just why like all of the work you're doing is, is so incredible. And I guess to touch back on the coherence and like that sand exercise, have you seen the images of the snowflakes? So yeah, the, if you charge it with like a word, it'll be a love will be a very beautiful, ornate, organized and symmetrical, which is the key image. 1 (11m 23s): And then if you do something like hate or anger or like, what is it like a low frequency word? Any of like, like maybe jealousy. Jealousy, right. Rage, those will be very disorganized. And in some of these books that we're reading to our, our old oldest, they're like these conscious parenting bedtime books, they'll be the, like those themes exist in the story. So you'll see the organization, there's this one called The Hug Factory, which is one of my favorite books. I think everyone should get it. Okay. And it shows the symmetry of like joy and happiness and love and acceptance. 0 (11m 57s): It shows the molecules of 1 (11m 58s): Water. It shows like they have this Hug that looks like a cell or maybe an atom. And then all around it, it shows it's quantum field around it. And when it's happy and and open, it's all organized and it keeps, it's like fractal out. And then when it's sad and it's trying to control it gets it's, calls it a sticky web and it's disorganized and it's chaos. And I'm like, it makes me think of the snowflakes. Wow. So it's cool to see the evolution of this science and how it's it's going to the younger generation and that they're gonna hopefully be better off than we were. Yeah, 0 (12m 30s): I'm definitely gonna get that book from my son. That sounds amazing. Yeah. And, and it's such a tricky thing like, so that that book's called The Hidden Messages in Water by Dr. Morimoto. And, and I, I quote it in my book because I think it's fascinating science that just like being around a word or having an intention or frequency could change, you know, the molecular structure of, of water. And again, if we are 70 to 90% water, then like what we're putting into our body, the frequency really, really matters. It's gonna affect how you feel, how you perform. And, and yet as you're saying that like I, because as I'm now getting into this more like somatic work and this more like, like feeling your feelings, like I just got outta five days in a cave and the only, my only agenda was to feel my feelings. 0 (13m 12s): And I'm wondering how we hold the simultaneity as we teach our children, as we teach ourselves of like, it is so important to find things, to bring you joy and to take time postpartum and to, you know, be in bliss and how do we not then spiritually bypass and skip the mandatory steps of feeling all of it, the rage, the sadness, the fear. And, and I'm really open, I'm in the question right now. Like I created a kid's meditation training called Ziva Kids and, and in it I framed like the big feelings as stormy. So we've got like the mad stormy, the sad stormy and the scared Stormy. And the idea was that I wanted to give them the frame that like every storm runs out of rain, the Maya Angelou quote and that the sun is always shining, but that they're allowed to feel those feelings. 0 (14m 1s): Like if you try to make the rain stop raining, it doesn't work. But if you just like accept the rain, love the rain, feel the rain and trust that yes the sun is shining on the other side. And so it's like we don't want, we don't want ourselves or kids to get stuck in that stuff, but we also don't wanna bypass it cause it's like if we bypass it, if we are constantly trying to numb our fear or pain or sadness, then we're limiting the amount of ecstasy that we could feel on the other side. 1 (14m 28s): So I guess where's the balance or is it more of like an internal knowing of what's the difference between that like Accepting that emotional state, whether it's for ourselves or for our kids and then kind of Enabling that? Right, so there's, we were kind of talking about this earlier today where it's like, be compassionate or like love everyone and tell the truth. And it's like, yes, you're allowed to be super sad and maybe you go through a breakup, but at some point like you need to overcome it. You can't just wallow in it forever cuz that's not in your best interest. And it's obviously the same with the kid and they, they don't have all of the tools that they need to be able to necessarily get over that hurdle without some help in shepherding. 1 (15m 10s): Yeah. So what's the difference between that Accepting Processing versus Enabling? 0 (15m 16s): Yeah, I think that when we get stuck is actually when we don't allow ourselves to feel it fully. That actually we're trying to protect ourselves from the enormity of it or the profundity of it. So we just put on like barriers or like we callous ourselves from it or we, we put fear on top of the pain. And this is a Buddhist concept called the double arrow. And the idea is that pain is part of the human experience. People are going to die, people are going to get sick. Like pain is unavoidable. But when we put fear on top of pain, if we're afraid, afraid to actually feel the fullness of the pain, then we create a double arrow. So the pain itself is an arrow, it hurts, but then it passes through and it's gone. 0 (15m 57s): But if you're afraid to feel, then you create the double arrow and it's just like ow, ow, ow, ow and the arrow, it can't go fully all the way one direction and it can't go all the way the other and then it just gets stuck. And so I think that's what we're talking about. Like you've been in the breakup, you've been mourning it for a year, and you're not moving through to the other side. And it's like, well probably because you didn't actually ever fully grieve it, you know? And so that's why I'm, I'm so excited about this new work that I'm Breathing because it's about like just leaning all the way in, feeling it out loud. And what I found is that usually if you just cry, it's like a three to five minute exercise and then you feel better and actually neurochemically that you release toxins out of your eyeballs when you cry. And then right behind that is bliss chemistry. And so you 1 (16m 38s): Get oxytocin right when you cry, 0 (16m 39s): I think. I think yes, oxytocin is a love hormone right after the, the toxins release from the tears. But if we're just like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. He broke up with me and I lost my job, but I'm fine and you never actually have the release then, then we end up numbing and, and like deadening our ability to feel. Versus if we just start playing all 88 keys of the human emotional spectrum, then it's like, oh, I can go to the depths and I know I'm not gonna stay there and I can enjoy the heights and I know I'm not gonna stay there either, but I'm enjoying like the full range. And as of late I like to think about like playing all 88 keys is a, is a perhaps coveted human experience that like not all animals or plants or other sentient beings or you know, aliens if you're on the alien tip, like they don't have the capacity to feel all of it in an hour or a day. 0 (17m 30s): And so rather than trying to protect ourselves, what if we just lean in? Hmm. 1 (17m 35s): That was one of the more like challenge, challenging and intimate Exercises that we did yesterday, which was the emotional alchemy. And as we did it, I felt more comfortable and I, it felt more natural. But the very beginning I was like, oh man, like how, how do I do this? We had just met, you went first, thank God. So I had an example but even when you were like going through your process, I was like, well what do I do? Like am I supposed to like help or like, and that's the, that's the I guess reflex that a lot of us have, which is like, it's okay you don't have to do this. Yeah. Which you're like, no, let her process it. And then you say like the good purge, which is amazing. 1 (18m 16s): Hey everyone, this is new. So we are taking a quick break for a couple of sponsors. How exciting is that that we have a couple sponsors for the podcasts. So this is new, please don't skip it, just listen, it's cool stuff I promise. So my first one is a small company called Ragnar's Rocks and I'll make sure I have the link below. As you know, I love crystals and I get made fun of for it all of the time, but I'm, I'm not gonna change my ways and I'm gonna stand by it. I truly believe in them and I think that they're beautiful so sue me. But he sent me, I mean how incredible is that? He sent me this beautiful amethyst, I've got this really cute rose quartz skull. 1 (18m 58s): All of this is on my table, you can't see, but when I start doing two cameras you'll be able to see my little setup and this cute little crystal Buddha, how adorable is he? I these bracelets are from there. I mean I was really stoked to have him as a sponsor because this is right up my alley. So if you're into any crystals or you just wanna check out the website, it's ragnar's rocks.com and I'll link that below. And the last affiliate last sponsor, please don't skip, this one's a good one. So we all know the benefits of fasting. Well my husband and I have used this company ProLon actually a couple of times. So I was really excited that they wanted to be an affiliate of the podcast. 1 (19m 39s): So if you wanna try ProLon, it's a fasting mimicking diet so you get all the benefits of a water fast and it's a lot easier cuz you get this delicious food instead of having to completely eat nothing. So you can try ProLon for $150 with the code. Candace, some of the claims for, and I mean I say claims but I'm going off of a script guys, 60% of people that completed the fast had better energy, mental clarity and focus. You'll definitely shed some lbs. I felt a ton lighter after doing it. It's cool to do difficult stuff and obviously fasting is not easy so it's kind of cool to see how you can kind of push it and get through something that you thought you might not be able to do. 1 (20m 22s): It's a lot easier than just doing a water cleanse. And again, like you, I think the average here, yeah people lose an average of 5.7 pounds and 1.6 inches off of their waist line. So as soon as I'm done breastfeeding, I'm doing one of these and Eric's supposed to be starting anytime now, so we'll see when he decides to start. So I'll link that below Again, if you wanna try ProLon, you can try it for 150 bucks. Use code Candace and let's return to the episode. So do you wanna kind of tell the listeners What is Emotional Alchemy and then I have some follow ups to that? 0 (20m 56s): Yeah, so first of, I wanna celebrate you cause like there's such brave work. You're right. Just met this stranger person, walk into your house and next thing I know I'm asking you to just like purge your deepest darkest rage and Shame and guilt and sadness. But if you treat it almost like, like an acting exercise or that you're a little kid playing, pretend or you know, we both have toddlers, so it's just like you, you see a toddler and it's like if you give them their orange juice in the wrong shaped glass, it's like World War ii and it's like, it's like full meltdown and then they just cry and scream and rage for like two to three minutes and then it's done and there's back to plan and, and it's like instead of us trying to train them out of that, I'm very into us, you know, apprenticing our children and like learning how to remember how to feel that fully and excuse yourself and go to the bathroom and cry versus like repressing it and having to cut it out. 0 (21m 49s): Its cancer 10 years later. So the emotional alchemy process I do as part of, I mean you can use it at any time. Like I actually think we should be doing like three song dance parties every day and just tapping in all the way to anything that's been repressed, anything stuck, anything that wants to be witnessed. Usually for a lot of us that's some anger or frustration, oftentimes grief or sadness. And then we start to move it through the body. We start to actually feel it through like somatic experiencing somatic expression like dance or punching or sounding. And then usually if it, if we just witness it, if we just see it and feel it in its entirety, then it transmutes like it ju the the feelings just like all of us want to be seen and witnessed and if we ignore them they get louder. 0 (22m 42s): And if we feel them with the agenda to transmutes them, then they're onto us. They're like, no, don't try to change me. You know, it's like you start dating someone and and then you're like, oh, could you start making a little bit more money and fix your nails and maybe let's get you new clothes and could you start, it's like, no, don't date me date somebody else. You know, don't try and change me. But if we just witnessed the feelings in their entirety, then they're like cool. It's like then they're willing to sit in the backseat of the car and take their hands off the steering wheel of your life. But emotional alchemy, what we did yesterday is like I would invite you to just purge anything and everything that wants to come up out loud. And just to be witnessed in that is quite unusual. Yes, right? Because we're all trying to convince everyone that we're all fine all the time, but actually to just hold space and not try to fix it or coach it, but just love the person as they're in their intensity. 0 (23m 31s): And then we moved it with some sound, with some dance and then, and then it's fun to like alchemize it if you're ready. If it's ready, alchemize it with some bliss. And just even music itself is its own medicine. So it's fun to use that as like a preparatory exercise to move into other exer. Other, other things like, like Pleasure Prayer, which is one of the things we did yesterday. 1 (23m 52s): Yeah, it's, it almost is disappointing in myself how unnatural it felt to be so playful. Hmm. Right. Because we can kind of, we use our kids as that green light kind of like it's, it's okay and acceptable in this context to be playful because I'm playing with my child, but if I'm being silly with adults then that's kind of weird and like, you know, rocking around like a monkey or like, you know, all these like very exaggerated things that we're doing, but then you're like, no, this is fun. Like I'm allowed to be light and playful and I don't have to take everything so seriously. But it, it made me realize how seriously I take myself and I never would've kind of labeled myself as one of those, those people, well 0 (24m 34s): I mean heard and like you were five minutes in to your very first time ever doing it with a total stranger and you did an amazing job. Like you really played full out and you committed. If you did it a second time, it might be, you know, 50% easier. If you did it a third time it might be another 50% easier. So it's like we just, we do it for the sake of doing it not to be good at it. 1 (24m 57s): So with purging, is there, is there a reason that we do it out loud in front of each other and kind of challenge ourselves to be uncomfortable in that process versus is energy all of all the same and can you kind of just do that energy work on yourself and remove it? Or does that take a certain level of experience that most people just don't have? 0 (25m 21s): I don't, I think that there's power in being witnessed, you know, just like there's, that's why therapy is a thing. That's why we relate to other humans. Like we are communal beings by nature. So there is power in that. And I think because it's so antithetical to the way that we've been socialized and conditioned to just like, shh, don't cry, have a bottle. Shh, don't cry, have a toy, don't cry, have an iPad, have some pills, have some Facebook, have some booze, have some anything but feel right. And that's what most of us have grown up in and even in some cultures, much more so than other cultures. And so to be witnessed and gives be given permission to actually just like let it rip to just be seen even if none of it's true to be seen and witnessed in that there is power. 0 (26m 4s): Because I really believe the trauma witnessed in community can be transmuted, right? Like trauma plus safety, sorry, Vulnerability plus safety can equal trauma healing Vulnerability plus fear can equal re trauma, re-traumatization. And this is, I'm just gonna say it again because it's, it's I think a really simple but powerful concept that like if you have trauma and you're looking to heal it, if you make yourself vulnerable from a place of safety, meaning you personally feel resourced, you feel safe in the community, that can lead to healing. If you're trying to transmutes trauma and you or make yourself vulnerable but you do not feel safe, that can lead to re-traumatization. And so it's really important that if you're gonna do this work of, you know, a therapist or any sort of somatic Processing or even Pleasure work, that you're doing it from a place of I feel resourced, I feel safe because inevitably like old traumas are going to come up and because they want to be healed, but if the, if that's done in a place of safety, it can really transmutes. 0 (27m 3s): So I think it's, it's helpful to do it in community but not necessary. So you could absolutely just move this stuff on your own and just put on like however you're feeling that day. If it's sad, jealous, raging, you just put on a song that allows you to really turn up the volume on that and then, and then see like, how am I feeling now Another song. And then usually you're like a hollow bone at that point. There's like an empty vessel that is created and nature does not like a vacuum. So then we get to choose what we put into the vessel. So then you could put on your favorite song or your silliest song or your sexiest song and and move through that. 1 (27m 38s): No, that makes a lot of sense. I, so when I do a lot of work, and this even happened last night although I like the dream's not coming to me, is I tend to get the most realistic and trippy Dreams after I do any kind of like trauma work or forgiveness work or even yesterday because we incorporated some of that purging and then we did like the bliss and like Pleasure Prayer, it's almost like an Extraction that will happen in a dream. And one of my craziest ones, which is why I found it so interesting that you used snakes in, in your visualization and in the practice, I don't know what work I was doing at the time, but the dream was I woke up and there was a snake coming outta me and I grabbed it and had to yank it out. 1 (28m 23s): But it was, so 0 (28m 24s): This was last night? No, 1 (28m 25s): No, no. This was, no, no, no, this was in the past, which is why when we were doing it and I was like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna do it cuz I immediately kind of had like a little resistance to that because of that. But I like yanked it out and it was so real that I, I looked in the bed because I felt every part, like I felt the scales and the coldness and I felt it like wiggling and it was so gross in my, I was like, there is a snake in my bed and I just pulled it out me and I don't know how it got there and I talked to my shaman about it and he's like, oh you just like did your own Extraction of, of sorts and like you don't really need to know what it means. You just have to trust your subconscious got rid of something. 1 (29m 6s): So when we were doing that and we were visualizing the snakes kind of going up through our chakras, I was like, oh boy, okay, we're gonna do this. We're gonna see what happens, what happens. 0 (29m 16s): And how was it for you? Like did it feel traumatizing 1 (29m 18s): Or No, no, no. You enjoyed it? No, I enjoyed it. It felt like, it just felt like very sensual and it felt, I guess like it, this is maybe gonna sound like tmmi but I guess we're, we're going there anyways. Like it's like that very full feeling of when you get penetrated. Like it's a very pleasurable experience. So like that was kind of how I incorporate it was like that full penetration like that, like the very enjoyable feeling of penetration. Yeah. So it wasn't, it wasn't traumatizing or weird, but I was like this is interesting that she is telling me snakes. Yeah, that's the first thing I thought. And 0 (29m 52s): Do you have any idea if like, if it was an Extraction, like what was being extracted before and how long ago was that? This 1 (29m 58s): Was, oh boy, maybe three years ago, three to five years ago. I can't, I'm trying to remember if it was like before or after my oldest, but I was doing a lot of work in, I think it was, yeah, I think I had my son. So I think it was probably about a, about two years ago. So I had had went back to this brainwave training in Sedona and they had like a female shaman that was kind of leading the, the practice. And I think that their opinion on Sexuality is not an an exact alignment with me, but it's, it's definitely more progressive than some. 1 (30m 38s): I don't think she was very supportive of my previous work. I think that she thinks that there was like a lot of energy exchange that maybe I wasn't conscious of or consenting to, which is probably true. And that there was maybe some ties there that I needed to kind of cut and pull and yeah. So I think there was a lot to that and I think that even just those seeds kind of getting planted helped, kind of helped with that work. 0 (31m 0s): Yeah, that's interesting cause I remember I said something yesterday that I was like, oh, I wanna check in with Candace about that, where I was like, you know, anytime you're in an Orgasmic State like you, all of your chakras open and you're doing energy exchange with that person. And I was just like, oh, like I don't know how often you were in a full Orgasmic State or like, do you feel like you did exchange energy with people that you don't necessarily want their imprint in your nervous system anymore? 1 (31m 23s): Well I guess the question is, is no matter what is the act of penetration creating an an exchange regardless? 0 (31m 29s): Well I I don't feel qualified to answer that question. I, I would assume to some degree yes, because like someone's body inside of your vessel, but the thing that it, that I feel more qualified to speak on would be like those Orgasmic states, like the brain states of orgasm Yeah. And the neurochemistry that's happening. Whereas like that is my understanding is of are all of the energy centers are opening and there's an exchange that happens. So Yeah. But what's, what's your feeling of it? 1 (31m 59s): I think that we have, and I think probably especially as women, we have the ability to also be on the defense. Like we're not necessarily like that damsel in distress even energetically speaking. I think we can be very powerful and like hold our own space and protect our space even if there, because that goes beyond the physical. So even though there is a pH another physical body inside of me at that point, I think from an energetic standpoint and I was not capable of the at the time, but I think if you are meditating and you're very aware of yourself and like your own space and like your own energy that you could technically protect it. In that case I was not there. So I know I was not doing that. So I probably was having a lot of exchange regardless. 1 (32m 39s): And as far as Orgasmic State during it, I would say maybe like 20% of the scenes were would get there. So like there definitely were people but I on, I typically only worked with people that I kind of vetted ahead of time. Like I liked who they were as a person. So it wasn't like this exchange of someone who was like a bad person or like a total 0 (33m 1s): Stranger of someone that your body was like, no. Yeah, 1 (33m 3s): Yeah, yeah. So I think that helps. It's, it's 0 (33m 4s): Very interesting though to like create a meditation or create a guided experience for people in the industry to be like, hey, like this is a way to you for you to create like an energetic boundary around yourself or to sort of like actively close those energy centers so that like this is like the most intimate part of yourself so that you have that to use how you desire. Yeah, that'd be interesting. 1 (33m 26s): Yeah. It makes you more intentional about the act. 0 (33m 29s): Yeah. Yeah. But good for you for doing the Extraction and also good for you for being open to like re reexamining the snakes. So the snakes are really common. Like it's, you'll see them on the cadus, which is the me American Medical Association, you know, it's like a sword with two snakes coming up at, you'll see them in a lot of iconography on the cover of like Jodi benzo's books. And what it's representing is this like historically what would be called kundolini energy, what I'm calling creation energy cuz it's like, it, it has this energy has the ability to create a whole nother human. It's like one of the most divine things we could do as, as a human is make another human. And yet every time we go into these ecstatic Orgasmic State, we're not creating a human. And yet we have that level of divinity, that level of creation energy available to us. 0 (34m 12s): So the snakes often will represent like the rising of that energy, like from your root up to your crown. And you know, we did an exercise as well where you said you could feel your cerebral spinal fluid like moving I think you said like nitrogen. Yeah. 1 (34m 25s): Just like felt like liquid nitrogen just going up. Yeah. So cold and powerful. Yeah. 0 (34m 30s): And so there is this fluid that goes up and down the spine and actually encases our brain and it's called cerebral spinal fluid. So people who do cranial sacral work are actually like putting pressure on the occipital bone, which is the base of the brain, which stops the flow of the cerebral spinal fluid, which creates like very re regenerative brain states. It creates a lot of healing for the body. Cause it's almost like you're inducing like very deep rest or even like borderline death because it's like that, that fluid is always moving just like we're always Breathing. So to pause it, it's like the brink and then run some repair. And so it's powerful stuff and, and when you activate it in the right way, you can send that energy and that fluid like up to your pineal gland and you can induce gamma states of consciousness. You can induce like Orgasmic states of consciousness. 0 (35m 12s): And so it's a, it's a fun tool to play with, but just letting people know that it's like been used for tens of thousands of years in lots of different cultures. And if you see those snakes, it's, it's interesting that like for a lot of cultures that was like the path to enlightenment, the ta the path to God. But then in our mythology in like the Christian traditions, it's like, oh well the snake was like the introducer of evil, right? Like the one that like had them fall from heaven, fall from grace. It's like, wow, it's this Shame, this cultural conditioning around our own internal bliss chemistry is so outrageously deep that we likely cannot even see the forest for the trees because we're all just swimming in it. 1 (35m 48s): That's what I like too about a lot of your work is it's this reclaiming of Pleasure, reclaiming of bliss. And you're calling it like this created creation energy, which obviously right, like you say it and you're like, obviously, but somehow we are saying like we're unworthy of it, we're undeserving of it. We can only have it if we're using that to create a literal baby. It's just, it even with some of the more eastern practices, which is if you, we were talking about last night, if you just got rid of your desires and your wants, then you would be happy. And I, I love what you said because I was like, I felt like I was the only one that had this perspective, which is you're not being a human. 1 (36m 30s): Like why are you here as a human then if you're not going to want to enjoy all of life and what it has to offer. Yeah. So this is almost giving you permission to reclaim that and say like, you are allowed to enjoy Pleasure. Like that's not off limits. Yes. No one's in control of it. Yeah, it's 0 (36m 45s): Yours actually. And guess who gave it to you? Nature. Like God gave you this stuff, you think it's be like, hey, I'm gonna give you like this whole internal pharmacy of like bliss and love and joy and ecstasy, but if you use it, you're gonna burn in hell. Right? 1 (37m 1s): Like 0 (37m 1s): What? Like would you ever give your child a toy to play with that you didn't want them to use? Right. 1 (37m 7s): No. 0 (37m 8s): And yet we think that that's what God did for us. It's just like who said and why? And and like truly like who's trying to get power from divorcing us from our own divinity. Like who, who, you know, gains from us forgetting that we can plug into the divine through our own bliss chemistry, through our own internal pharmacology. And, and the reality is that people who know and practice the ability to like tap in and cultivate their own divinity are very hard to control. So like sex and Sexuality has been conditioned and shamed the same way that psychedelics have because like they're both pathways to the divine and, and and both very potent and powerful medicines and need to be used with care and with guidance and with love and with respect and with honor. 0 (37m 56s): And, and so I get it like there it's, it's not just like have fun, do whatever. I mean you can obviously we can all do whatever. There are consequences to that there. I know every choice has a consequence to it. And so it's like how do we simultaneously honor the profundity and the power of these tools without spiraling people into Shame and compartmentalization and, and trauma, like unnecessary trauma. 1 (38m 21s): So we know that like the first couple of chakras, especially your root chakra is associated with survival, right? And safety and security is, are there certain people that maybe like should you be Practicing Pleasure Prayer or anything kind of associated with that? If you haven't, if you don't have the foundation of safety and security, like if that's not solid. 0 (38m 45s): That's an interesting question. I mean I guess I would offer that. So just to define Pleasure Prayer Pleasure Prayer is basically like where you're getting really clear on a vision, like something that you'd love to create. And then you're starting to build this creation energy in the body from the root, like from your, what I call the hoo-ha. I'm trying to reclaim the word haha, which I would define as both the anatomy and the energy center. And it includes all genders. So you're building that, that Pleasure, that creation energy from your hoo-ha up into your heart and then up into your head. And then once you go into those peak states, those ecstatic or Orgasmic states, it's almost like you're dedicating that energy and that Pleasure to the dream, to the thing that you're looking to manifest. 0 (39m 26s): So that's the practice of Pleasure Prayer. And I would say that if you don't feel safe in your body, then it might be more challenging to practice that. But I'm not gonna say that you should not, right? Cause I think that orgasm is outrageously healthy, you know, it like improves our immune system, our skin elasticity, our endocrine function, our hormone function. Like all these things get better when we orgasm. And so I think it can be very healing. But just like we were saying earlier, it's like if you are accessing something, certainly if there's sexual trauma involved, then it can be re-traumatizing. So the, so the first question really becomes how do I create safety in my body? How do I learn to feel safe in my body? And that might be a first order of business before someone can move into it. Just like with meditation, like it's rare. 0 (40m 7s): But I do sometimes encourage people not to start zeva. Like if they've had very severe recent trauma, if they have never done meditation, I'm sorry if they've never done therapy, if they've never done any mindfulness practices, because Zeva is so potent, because it is so powerful at catharsis, because it's actually healing your body from the accumulated stress that we have in ourselves. That if people are just like a bag of trauma with no tools, I'm like, I don't think you should start right now because likely that catharsis is not gonna be worth it. It's gonna create more suffering. And so the same can be true with Pleasure practices. So, and it's not like don't do them, it's like just start with the foundation of resourcing yourself and making sure that you know how to feel safe. 1 (40m 49s): That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I was curious if it would maybe affect the way that you, like you either see what you're, you're wanting to manifest or in like that Shavasana state if that would affect your perception of downloads or whatever, like comes to mind while you're just being still 0 (41m 9s): Yeah, well I mean certainly all of us can only operate from our own state of consciousness, right? We're, and we all are a collection of, you know, enlightenments and traumas and our parents and our inherited stuff and our epigenetics and you know, we all are product nature and nurture. So certainly the desires will be, will be shaped by our consciousness and then what we're able to hear and receive will be shaped by our consciousness. But just like you wouldn't tell someone not to exercise, you know, it's just like, right, well you might not be, I might not be able to lift 350 pounds at the gym, but I could lift 50, you know, so it's like, just start where you are and then we keep Practicing, we keep getting stronger. 1 (41m 46s): Yeah. Another thing I love is that you're incorporating, like this is open to anybody, it's not just for women. Yeah. Which I feel like that has typically been the case. So my husband joined us in our, our Prayer and our practice last night. And I'm just like, I look at him sometimes and when he's like fully committing to these things and I'm just so in love and I'm just like, he is so open to anything and he approaches everything without judgment. And he's like, what can I learn today? Like, what new experience can I have? And I just don't know a lot of people like that. So when I see him I'm just like, oh, I love you so much, but I also love that you have this space open to anybody because I think it can be massively healing for men. 1 (42m 27s): And what, I guess like, even like the cards that he pulled last night, which was like kind of playful and it shows a lot of the Wounds that the Masculine has with the feminine. I think that's probably a common narrative for a lot of men today. And they might not, like, he was like, I don't know, I don't know if this is it. He pulls this card and like, well something's here. And he was exploring it and he's like, yes, that, that made a lot of sense. So it can be really healing for that polarity, like that energetic polarity. 0 (42m 55s): Yeah. And just to like catch people up. Like, I asked him the question, I was like, you know, do you feel like you have, you know, wounding or trauma from the feminine? And he said, I don't know. And I was just like, what a brave, honest answer. And then we went to pull cards to like help kick off the session and it was like, boom, okay. Wounding with the feminine. Like, 1 (43m 14s): Alright, well there's our answer. 0 (43m 16s): But I, I've been thinking about this a lot because I, I am attracted to very strong women like my roommate, my best friend, my, my women's circle. Like I have, I am surrounded by matriarchs, like these outrageously powerful, like liberated, pioneering full-blown high priests sex witches. And, and I'm, I feel very lucky that, that this is my inner circle, you know, I live with Regina Thomas hour, k a mama, Gina Lela Martin is my best friend. I'm friends with Mickey and Rada Agrawal. And like all of them have like created these empires really from nothing and in pretty taboo spaces. And, and you know, the deeper that we all get into our healing and the more vulnerable we get as friends, it's like we're all starting to realize like how wounded we all are from the Masculine. 0 (44m 4s): And it's just so fucking cliche. And I'm like, I'm so angry that it's so cliche where it's like, ugh, like really like, like really we were all abused by our fathers and like really we just all had to become the Masculine because we didn't trust our know-how to be held. And it, it's like simultaneously so exciting to see what we're creating, but then also like I want for my friends to have that polarity and to be able to do whatever it is that they want and to be held and to surrender. And so I feel like because so many women of like mine and possibly your generation, because like we were all doing the best that we could and yet like men have been taught not to feel their feelings and men had to be the breadwinners and it was like go work all the time. 0 (44m 48s): And so they're, we have like a whole generation of not that present fathers, right? I'm speaking obviously in gross generalizations right now. Right? But then as a result of that, like if you don't have an emotionally available healed integrated Masculine figure, then you grow up feeling like, I can't trust that. And then you think, well I have to hold it all myself or I'll speak for myself. I grew up feeling like I have to hold it all myself and if I don't hold it, it will fall apart. 1 (45m 14s): I'm the same way. 0 (45m 15s): Yeah. And it's that, that sense of control. Yeah. Right? And then if you have any sort of trauma on top of that, it exacerbates that of like, well let me just control everything that I can and then, and then you don't, and then as you start to date and you're attracting a partner, there's no room for the Masculine. And so we've like created, it's like this, this feminist movement is like not quite it where where women are trying to be like men we're trying to earn as much money as men, but then in so doing, becoming like them. Yeah. To win at a patriarchal game than what we've done accidentally is emasculated a whole generation of men. And now there's like no polarity left. And so the actual healthy aeros, which is the magnetism of the cosmos, the magnetism of the universe has now been stifled. 0 (45m 57s): And then we do turn to our Sexuality, our relationships from this sort of subverted or perverted place. And so it's like how do we hold the simultaneity of freedom, of equanimity of equity while not trying to be like the other side of the pole, whatever side that you are on. And that is irrespective of gender identity or sexual orientation, right? Like, because we all have that internal polarity, we all have that Masculine and feminine. And so like I'm gonna be a different person in relationship with you than I would be in relationship with my mom or with my boyfriend or with my son. Like there are different parts of me that get turned up or down to be in balance or to be in polarity with whoever it is that I'm relating to. 0 (46m 42s): And so if we from a trauma response or from conditioning have had to sort of like fix ourselves in one state or we don't have the ability to be adaptable or soften, then we're actually decreasing the amount of people that we can be in healthy relationships with. 1 (47m 1s): Oh, that's a really interesting perspective and I love that you highlighted the issue isn't just for women, right? That now like men, like younger men are kind of going through it too because of this overcorrection, through this feminist movement of us kind of saying being a woman or this femininity is almost a weakness and I have to try to be like a man in order to succeed at this game that's called life. Right. I was listening to something the other day, and this is just from like a scientific, just like biological standpoint. So if there's not a father in the house before the age or Yeah, before the age of 12. So if he leaves kind of early, which is a lot, is pretty typical. I think around five is the divorce rate for most people. 1 (47m 42s): The girl, like the young girl will go through puberty a year earlier than she typically would. And we're kind of learning now that our ov like ovarian health is linked to longevity. So if you're starting earlier, it's, it's kind of assumed that it'll stop earlier, which affects your l your lifespan. And then the telomeres of boys will actually shrink such that their life expectancy is reduced by 12%. Wow. 12% just from a dad not being in the home. Wow. So it's like, I feel regardless of, you know, if you're a man or a woman that you, like a lot of us are dealing with Daddy Wounds and like the Wounds from the Masculine. Yeah. And the solution to that is not to become the Masculine, right? 1 (48m 24s): It's to like honor where you are at and like your, like honor the polarity and honor that we're different. And just because we're different doesn't allow for you to not respect the other person or treat the other person different. But it's to say, no, we are complimentary. We're not supposed to be in competition. And I see a lot more people that are looking at it that way, like thank God. But it's not like this like Venus versus Mars kind of dialogue. It's how can we work together to create a culture that honors the feminine honors. The Masculine is like giving women and mothers what they need during that very trying time of postpartum and respecting the, like the typical workday doesn't really work with women and you know, it just, it's a lot more curated than this like one size fits all model that we've been, we've been doing. 0 (49m 12s): Amen. Amen. It's time. Yeah, it's time. 1 (49m 16s): Yeah. So, oh well I guess this is a good place we can go to. That's pretty fun. So there's this concept of Charging yourself up and it sounds kind of silly, like how can you Sexually charge yourself up? And we obviously did our Prayer, like our Pleasure Prayer last night and Eric was here and you were here and all last night and all today I'm trying to like get ready and Eric's just following me around and he's like cuddling on me and like smooching on me. And I was like, he hasn't been like this. In over a, like, no joke, probably over a year it's been like Really? Yeah. Yeah. So like, just anecdotal evidence. It had a real world effect on like my relationship and just kind of how we are interacting with each other. 1 (49m 59s): It's just easier and lighter all day. Yay. So I highly encourage this to be a couple's exercise. Ooh. 0 (50m 7s): Yeah. That keeps coming up. Yeah. Like I've been doing retreats sort of as I've been in research and development birthing all of this and it's, it's like 95% women who show up. Right. I think that will change, you know, I feel like they're obviously early adopters, but the, but people are keep asking for like couples work, couples retreats and so that feels exciting. Also, can I, I'll share like one thing that if you wanna edit it out, you can edit it out, but I just thought it was so sweet that like afterwards, so in Pleasure Prayer we, like we were full blown, like self pleasuring each other, but it wasn't about, we weren't like watching each other. We were in our own space. It was about us and our Dreams, us and our souls. But afterwards, as we were recapping, your sweet husband was like, yeah, the only thing I was distracted by is just that I think my wife is the sexiest woman on the planet and I was just like wanting to see how she was doing, what was, what was happening over there. 0 (50m 55s): And I was like, oh my God, it's so cute. They're like 13 years and two kids in. He's just like giddy and so amazing. No, 1 (51m 3s): Yeah. I really, I was just like, aw. And at the same time I was like, I bet you he's trying to watch right now. 0 (51m 9s): Smart man. 1 (51m 10s): Yeah, no, I think it's great. It can definitely kind of reignite like an ember, especially if you've bent. Cause I feel like we, we take each other for granted a lot. Like, not like necessarily Eric and I but just couples that have been together for a really long time, or especially couples that get married. It's, we look at it like, once you get married this thing is it. And I don't have to show up anymore. I don't have to be present. I don't have to keep flirting or dating or putting in the effort because till death do us part baby. And it's like, well that's not how it works anymore. Yeah. You still have to show up and every single day is a decision to show up. So I think going out of your comfort zone, even to like, you know, whatever extent you find yourself, but especially like what we did last night, like this just recharges everything. 1 (51m 52s): And it like, again, it creates that Vulnerability but in a safe container and then you can't help but bond on like a much deeper level. Like I feel like there's always deeper you can go within a relationship, any relationship with someone, whether it's like a friendship or a romantic partnership. And we often assume that we know everything about them. Like, I've been with him for 13 years, I know everything about him. Like, no, that's not fair. Like, we're constantly moving and we're like, we're this river right. And this river is never the same. So I think you should kind of give your partner that benefit of curiosity and like looking at them with new eyes every time. 0 (52m 27s): Yeah. And I think that's the power of doing the emotional alchemy work as well together. Cuz then you get to see like what's alive, what's underneath, what's maybe like my partner's deepest here right now that they don't even feel like, you know, we're, we're working and there's kids and like, there's not the time or the space to like go really into the emotions, but it doesn't have to take a long time. And then you at least have a window into the underbelly, which, you know, that is, I would argue even more intimate than, than physical acts. When you really open your heart and let someone see like the parts of us that were embarrassed to share the parts of us that feel that we're ashamed about or, or like Mm. That just isn't encouraged by society to share. Like, I think that can also often create more intimacy even though the physical act. 1 (53m 8s): I was surprised at how well he did with the emotional alchemy part. Like he, so he went before I did, which I was so surprised cuz I was, I figured he would want to take his time and process it all, but he just jumped right in and he, he went in like, he was vulnerable. He was expressive. It felt very real. And when I saw that and I saw like this big, you know, six, two man doing it, like, wow, this could be so healing for men because they like, their narrative is you're not allowed to have feelings. Like you have to be strong and that's it. Like, don't you waiver because then you are not a man. Yeah. And this is allowing space to say like, I'm hurt, I'm pissed, I'm sad. 1 (53m 49s): And we don't give them that. And, and a lot of these, I mean there aren't a lot of men's groups period. And the ones that exist are usually revolved around like drinking or like an activity where you're doing, and it's not, it's not the oppor like the opportunity to be vulnerable or to go deep with someone on a real level isn't really presented. It'll be like a bachelor party and you're like, you don't wanna be the the wet blanket that's asking about traumas at the bachelor party feelings. How, how is your marriage? Are you really happy? Like, you can't do that. They're like, come on man, you 0 (54m 22s): Healed your mother wound. 1 (54m 23s): Right? So where can we have these spaces? So I think normalizing that men also have emotions is so beautiful and allowing them into the space to process it. So don't, when you see this thing, don't say it's automatically for women. I think that it can be very much utilized by men. 0 (54m 39s): Yeah. I mean the way I think about it is that the soul has no gender and actually like, as we evolve and as we get closer and closer to the divine like that which cannot be named, that which remains the thing to which you pray, that thing certainly doesn't have a gender. You know? And so to call it him is so absurd to me that I, I took this from Glennon Doyle's like, I will call God she, until it is not absurd to, I mean it's absurd to gender, period, but until that's not audacious, I will keep doing it. Cause it sort of highlights how silly it is that we've gendered it at all. But the thing is that we, as we move closer to the divine, it's like we become closer to the animating force that is inside of everyone and everything. 0 (55m 25s): Every man, woman, and child, every crystal, every rock, every car, every planet. Like that's how I would define God, the animating force inside of all that is the collective consciousness of all that is. And if we're in sort of like traumatized or stressy states of consciousness, all we're identified with is our left brain ego identity. And so it's very much like here I am Emily Fletcher, 44 year old woman, mother of two meditation teacher. But as when I go into meditation, when I'm doing Ziva, it's like I just am, I start to access that right brain state of consciousness with it, which is connected to everyone and everything. And that thing doesn't have a name, an age, a race, or a gender. 0 (56m 7s): And so this work to me, like, I am drawn to it really because it feels like one of the fastest pathways to the divine that I've ever found. And I've always said, I've been teaching meditation for 13 years, about 50,000 people to meditate. And I've always said, if I find anything more powerful, I will start teaching that. And, and I have not found a more powerful meditation technique than Zeva, but I did find a more powerful manifesting technique. And, and so what's interesting to me about this work is the spiritual component to it. And so I think because we've all been trained to think that it's a sin or bad or dirty or wrong, that we think like there's no, no, it couldn't connect you to God. You couldn't like access the divine through sexual energy. 0 (56m 47s): That's, that's sinful, right? That's shameful. And it's like, no, just the opposite. Actually 1 (56m 53s): I heard that, I think this is maybe a Mark Gaffney thing, but he was saying that they've studied a ton of different cultures and the common, like the most common thing that everyone says regardless of language or culture is oh my god. And he's, he's like, there's something there. It's like at 0 (57m 9s): The state of orgasm. 1 (57m 10s): Yes. Yeah. When they're orgasming. 0 (57m 12s): Yeah. It's, yes. I think that Aubrey said that on our podcast together where he said that people, the most common thing that people say at the moment of orgasm is either oh God or their partner's name, which you could argue that at that moment is the same thing Mm. That their partner's face is the face of God in that moment because you're both accessing that which remains. 1 (57m 34s): So if it, we are talking about like Frequencies, how are those exactly measured? So we talked a little bit yesterday about Richard Dawkins scale and he will attribute, you know, like joy, peace, love, and you might have like jealousy, rage. He has, Joe Dispenza has lust on the very bottom first. Like how are those being measured? Exactly. Because we do know that everything has a frequency. I don't exactly know like the tools or the modality of saying, you know, like the Bible is supposed to be one of like the highest rated Frequencies for books from 0 (58m 7s): That's what I heard. I don't know, I don't know how you rate a frequency of a book. Yeah. Or how those scales are determined. I mean obviously there's like gamma states, subconscious beta theta, you can look at heart rate variability. You can look at just like brainwave activity. But I don't know how you would measure like the, the consciousness or frequency of a book. I'd be interested to know. I know 1 (58m 28s): Because when I, I'm like, well I wanna see that tool because I think you can do things the same thing two different ways and from two different places. So yes, you can have sex where it's coming from a very dense, heavy place. We can also have sex that's coming from like a very light and like more enlightened place, like a more giving place. 0 (58m 48s): I mean intention is everything. Yeah. Truly intention is everything. How you eat your food, blessing your water, having an intention before, before going to church, before having sex, like before taking medicine, you know what I mean? As psychedelics or having this massive revolution, like your intention going into a medicine ceremony can really change the experience. Your intention. Making love to someone or making love to yourself can really change the experience. And so that, I mean I le I think we live in an intention dependent universe. And so I love the idea of starting, people starting to become more conscientious or conscious around their Sexuality. And like, you know, when I tell people I'm getting into sacred Sexuality and they're like, what is that? 0 (59m 32s): Like what even is sacred Sexuality? How could sex be sacred? And it's like, well largely it's the intention. Hmm. 1 (59m 39s): Yeah. It's like using it to connect and to go into like a more spiritual divine place than just this hedonistic channel. 0 (59m 48s): And I think anytime you are like, look, you could kill yourself with water. I mean truly if the devil's in the dose, like they, you could water, water torture someone, you could waterboard someone. And yet is it is the elixir of life. We need it to stay alive. Water is life. It's like one of the most popular sayings in like almost every indigenous culture of water is life because we are water. And yet you could kill yourself with it. Same thing with food. You know, food is medicine and you can heal yourself with food or you can kill yourself with food. And so I think that the same is true of, I mean even meditation, right? Like you could use meditation as a way to like remove yourself from society. 0 (1h 0m 30s): I'm just gonna meditate all day every day cause I don't wanna deal. Or it could be one of the most powerful healing consciousness expanding tools that we have. So again, like devil's in the dose and intention can, can really change how modality is received. 1 (1h 0m 45s): Now your meditation practice is amazing. I've done a lot of them and I wanna say it was either day one or day two of the meditation, I was actually in this chair doing it by myself. And I've, I've always struggled with meditation. Like I, and a lot of it is probably the narrative around stopping your thoughts, stopping your thoughts. And I'm like, I suck at this, I suck at this. And your approach is very different. And you have this whole like lazy meditation thing, which I just love. And I'm like, oh, I can do that because I had this fancy chair downstairs that they said I have to sit in and your spine has to be exactly right and then your jaw has to be forward and it has to be like this exact science and your fingers are here and that's the way that you meditate. And I'm like, this is not for me. 1 (1h 1m 26s): But with this one you're like, okay, you can like be lazy and sloppy. And at one point I, I caught myself cuz I almost like banged my head on this table and I was like, whoa, I think I just hit that bliss thing she was talking about. 0 (1h 1m 40s): It's cool, isn't it? Yeah. It's still, it feels like a nap sitting up but without the sleep hangover. And then you're like, oh my gosh, I have all this energy, I have all this clarity on the other side and oh right. I didn't have to clear my mind. It's like so liberating because there's so many misconceptions about it and I feel like a lot of people aren't meditating because they think just like you of like, I can't clear my mind, I can't meditate. Actually my, on my car on the way here. My driver was like, oh, like I, I wanna meditate. I've tried then I always quit because I, I, I can't, I can't stop my mind from thinking I have a d d and it's like, well it's 1 (1h 2m 14s): The best for a d d. 0 (1h 2m 15s): Yeah. And also it's, it's not about clearing the mind, right? Like this will definitely be on my tombstone. We meditate to get good at life, not to get good at meditation. And no one knows or cares how many thoughts you're having when you're sitting quietly in a chair. Everyone cares how good you are at life. So I just wanna celebrate you for trying something new. Yeah, 1 (1h 2m 33s): No thank you. And you had this diagram that really helped me like truly understand it, which was, and you used Newton's law of rel like every action has an opposite and equal reaction. So it was the ideas, like your mantra gets quieter, then your thought starts to get louder and then your mantra gets louder and quieter and it's like this cycle that kind of happens. Yeah. And that, that is part of the process. And somewhere in between that is your bliss state. And the way that you described it was that the thought is actually like a release. Like, and I was like, what a beautiful way to see that is. Like, not like you're trying to fight against the thought, like the thought is actually a release because you are doing it correctly instead of punishing yourself for the thought. 0 (1h 3m 17s): Totally. And so, yeah, so a lot of people think that okay, meditation means clearing the mind. So if I'm having thoughts, I'm failing. But actually in Ziva, like you said, like we utilize the mantra, which again is not a slogan, it's a, it's a sun. Well, depending on what's, what training you're doing, it's a, it's a sound like a mind vehicle that de excites the nervous system and creates order. And we're actually giving the body rest that's five times deeper than sleep. So for a 15 minute meditation it's like the equivalent of an hour and a half nap. But like you said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So if you're going to de excite the body, then it is going to re excite. But the cool thing is that because we've given the body the deep healing rest, the body knows how to heal itself when we give it the rest that it needs. 0 (1h 3m 58s): And so then it starts releasing stresses in the form of thoughts. And so once you have the intellectual understanding that those thoughts are actually an indicator that stress is leaving the body, then instead of thinking that you're failing, you're like, oh good, I'm doing a good job. Because none of us will do anything very for very long that we feel like we're failing at. And so if instead we see those thoughts as validating and if then we continue to get better at life and our sleep gets better and our sex get be gets better and our immune system is stronger, then we're like, oh, I'm gonna keep doing that meditation thing. 1 (1h 4m 25s): Yeah. And then I love the gratitude bit that's at the end. It's so, it's so funny. So I, I've been doing your course, Eric was going to and then he just hasn't, he's been traveling a ton. The flu came into the house and it was rocking everyone. Like it got the nanny, it got both of my kids. Eric got home from a trip, it got him right away. And this was going on for two and a half weeks, like throughout everybody. And I'm just the last person standing and I'm just kind of waiting. But I was meditating and then I was doing the gratitude practice whereas like Joe, I think it's Joe dispense, it's like vitamin G. And I just like kept telling myself that in my head I'm like Vitamin G, vitamin G, like what are you grateful for? So I swear that's the, I'm always the one that gets sick right after the kids. 1 (1h 5m 8s): Like I just like clockwork. Like two days after they're better, I get sick. So that's why I kept waiting and I was like, that's the only thing that I changed. So I attribute like that immune system boost and me just like skipping that entirely to my practice. Oh 0 (1h 5m 23s): That's so exciting. Thank you. Because like my son has been sick basically since he started school and it's so annoying and like I get it. It's like he's gotta build his immune system but it's so annoying. 1 (1h 5m 32s): Yeah. 0 (1h 5m 33s): And I'm so grateful to meditation cuz it really has helped me. But I used to get sick three to four times a year and being on Broadway, that was a real occupational hazard. You know, you're singing and dancing for a living so you have a cold, it's like not cute and you have to call out from work and then you don't get paid. Like if you don't show up to the show, you don't get paid. And so it was truly a liability. And then when I started meditating, I didn't get sick for eight and a half years. Wow. Like not so much as a cold for eight and a half years. And that's to say nothing of like, you know, stop going gray, insomnia got cured, sex got better, started enjoying my job again. And that's when I was like, why isn't everyone doing this? 1 (1h 6m 9s): I could use that with the grays. It's like something with, it's a lot of Asians. I don't know why. My dad was pretty much salt and pepper by the time he was 21. And then mine started showing up probably right around the same age. And I'd have these like makeup and hair, like hair and makeup artists looking and they're like, you know, you have some grays already. It's like, it's an Asian thing. I don't know what to tell you. So maybe, maybe it'll reverse that line. Let's see, lets see, let's see. Which, speaking of which we were talking about Inherent, Shame, Around, Pleasure and Sexuality. I attributed a lot of it to myself and I was blaming myself for a lot of it when we were like bef getting ready to like work together. And I was like, there's this thing and I don't know where it even comes from. 1 (1h 6m 49s): It doesn't really feel like mine. And you brought up like epigenetics and even just like a cultural aspect from like Asian culture, which is like tall poppy syndrome. Like don't be seen like be very reserved. And I don't know like that it felt liberating that it wasn't mine. Like that reframe like, okay, it's not something that I'm doing wrong and it's something that I can intentionally reprogram. Like I can reprogram that, that feeling like an imposter if I were to be happy or ecstatic or in bliss. So I just wanted to say thank you for that. And like what a good reframe that you can kind of give other people is this might not necessarily be yours. And it goes back to like, you know, the body keeps the score, it didn't start with you. 1 (1h 7m 30s): So there is some science behind epigenetics and it's not as woo as it sounds. 0 (1h 7m 35s): Yeah. So they've actually proven now that you inherit like trauma and, and like and all the great stuff as well. For at least two generations they're hypothesizing up to seven, but at least two they've proven on rats. So, you know, it's hard to do the studies on humans, but they've done some pretty mass studies. I think in Denmark there was a famine. And so then they studied like the children of the women who were pregnant during the famine and then D during nine 11, women who were in New York who were in those towers who were pregnant. They've been studying those kids. And so if, if women are under extreme stress during pregnancy, like obviously that there's like postcards from the outside that are getting delivered to the child. But what's interesting is that like the eggs of, and I'm gonna probably misquote this to some degree, but if you think about like a grandmother, like the eggs of her granddaughter are already inside of her. 0 (1h 8m 25s): And so it's like that is how much our decisions matter. Like not just for our own happiness. Like yes you wanna meditate for you. So selfishly you can enjoy your life more. But if you really start to think about it as the least selfish thing that you could do for your children, for your children's children, so that they're not having to clean up your mess or your parents' mess because it's like if you don't heal it, then it does get passed down either through epigenetics or just like in the energetics or emotional transfer. Cause we're all shaped not only by nature but also by nurture. That I, I would even argue that that argument is irrelevant because so much of who we are gets shaped by those early experiences. And it's like, yes, you're born with one genetic blueprint, but then every nap, every bite of food, every meditation, every exercise like that is changing than the genetic code. 0 (1h 9m 15s): I was actually at a conference from the guy who's one of the like scientists at crispr, I'm not remembering his name right now. Oh, Ricardo Sabatini. And he gave a TED talk where he was saying that as far as our genetic code is concerned, if you think about it like a hundred page book, it's only the last five pages of the book that are genetics that are actually fixed. The first 95 pages of that book are epigenetics, which are mutable. Those are changeable. And so yes, we're all born with the blueprint. And what we do with that blueprint matters. So I like to think about like a parable of, of identical twins. You know, same genetic code, same height, same weight, same race, same gender, all of it. 0 (1h 9m 58s): And yet if one is given nutritious food and sleep and nurturing and loved and taught to meditate and exercise and and is like challenged and given challenging experiences. And the other one is eating crappy food and not loved and not nurtured and not exercising and not being challenged, like their genetic expression by the time that they die and how they will like replicate like if they then have offspring, like what would happen to that genetic code in their offspring. Hmm. And so it's just a, it's a interesting thing to think about and, and anytime someone's having the story of like, I don't have time to meditate, I don't have time for Pleasure that feels selfish, I should just keep working. 0 (1h 10m 42s): It's like this is actually the least selfish thing that you could do not only for yourself but for everyone around you and for future generations. 1 (1h 10m 51s): Yeah. They say that trauma will pass through a family until someone's ready to feel it. Until, so it's like, are you ready to feel it? 0 (1h 10m 60s): Yeah, I know. I just blocked myself in a cave for five days to feel 44 years of unfelt feelings and woo, there was a lot that needed to come out. 1 (1h 11m 8s): Oh, I'm gonna practice your emotional alchemy because that sounds really intense for me. Me I feeling, I dunno if I'm instead on 0 (1h 11m 15s): Cave, I'm just gonna do a three song dance party. 1 (1h 11m 17s): Yeah, I'll do that instead. That sounds like more my speed. Great, great. For sure. Thank you. I support you. I wanna say thank you so much for coming on. Before we wrap up, do you wanna tell the listeners where they can follow you? Any projects you're working on and how they can support you? Yeah, so 0 (1h 11m 30s): The big one is I'm launching my own podcast. 1 (1h 11m 32s): Congratulations. Thank 0 (1h 11m 34s): You. So it's called, why isn't everyone doing this? Cuz that's the thought I have. When I found meditation, I was like, God, this thing is so good, why isn't everyone doing this? And now starting to discover sacred Sexuality and using our creation energy as a manifesting tool, I'm like, wh why isn't everyone doing this? And so I feel excited to bring on guests and ask them that question like, when in your life did you have that feeling of like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, this is so good, why isn't everyone doing it? So that launches on May 16th. And other than that, I have a, a free Masterclass that I'd love to gift your listeners. So it's called How to reduce your stress, overcome anxiety, and improve your sleep in 15 days. And it goes deep into the neuroscience of the course that you're taking Ziva online and and what the Zeva technique is, which is mindfulness, meditation, and manifesting so that people can get at zeva meditation.com/podcast. 0 (1h 12m 22s): And then we're all over social media just at Ziva meditation. Well 1 (1h 12m 26s): Awesome. Thank you so much my Pleasure, this was amazing. Yay. Bye everybody. We will see you next week. And thank you for tuning in. That's it for this week's episode of Chatting with Candace. Before you sign off, make sure you hit like, subscribe, leave that five star review and if you wanna support the podcast, you can go to Chatting with candace.com. From there you can buy me a coffee, buy Emily a coffee, or you can sign up for our Patreon where we get early access to episodes. We'll see you next week. Bye everybody.