Geoffrey Miller is an acclaimed evolutionary psychologist, author, and Associate Professor of psychology at the University of New Mexico. He is known for his research on sexual selection in human evolution and has written numerous best-selling books such as Virtue Signaling, Spent, and The Mating Mind. We talk about the evolution of monogamy, the power of negotiations in marriage, and why a little jealousy can ignite passion into your relationship.
00:00:00 00:02:52 Welcoming Geoffrey
00:03:30 Evolutionary Origins and Why It’s Such a Controversial Topic
00:06:10 Why It’s So Hard to be Active on Social Media
00:09:50 Virtue Signaling and Moral Progress
00:12:15 How to Identify Authentic Virtue Signaling
00:16:30 The Core of Today’s Oppression and the Demands of the Oppressed
00:21:45 The Current State of Marriage Psychology and Therapy
00:27:10 How Diet and Physical Shape Affects Marriage and Sexual Attraction
00:29:33 The Truth About Female Sexuality
00:33:30 The Evolution of Monogamy
00:36:50 What Does Commitment in a Relationship Really Mean?
00:41:30 The Right Way to Negotiate with Your Partner
00:46:40 Conversations You and Your Partner Need to Have
00:48:00 Sexual Fantasies: To Tell or Not to Tell?
00:50:30 Sexual Orientation and Gender Identities
00:52:30 Is Our Sexual Orientation Determined By Biology?
00:59:20 How Politics is Seeping Into Every Aspect of Our Lives
01:04:58 Parenting and the Morality Argument
01:08:50 Polygamy in Modern Society
01:18:10 How Virtual Reality Will Influence Marriages of the Future
01:21:55 The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Jealousy
01:29:50 Understanding Jealousy in Monogamous Relationships
01:35:10 The Alpha, Beta, Omega Dynamic
01:40:20 How to Really Understand Your Partner
01:43:50 What Playfulness Can Do For Your Relationship
01:44:40 Parting Thoughts
The Current State of Marriage Psychology and Therapy
If you’re married and going through a rough patch in your marriage, chances are, you’ve considered marriage therapy at some point in time. It may be because you genuinely want your relationship to work, or you’re not the type that gives up too quickly. But the question is, does marriage counseling work?
Yes, counseling helps couples identify and resolve conflicts that may be contributing to the problems in their relationship. However, Geoffrey believes that the marriage counseling of today is sadly built on a foundation of victimization. One or both partners have to be the source of most relationship issues before a solution can be found. He goes on to explain that some couples argue a lot because one partner is just being petty. Others are just hungry, while a vast majority would fix their marital issues by simply exercising a lot more. Unfortunately, most marriage therapists don’t go as far as checking a couple’s diet or exercise routine before prescribing a solution, and that’s a problem. If marriage counselors could dig a little deeper to understand the root cause of a couple’s disputes, that would immensely help couples strengthen their relationship and build a solid foundation for their future together.
The Right Way to Negotiate With Your Partner
Marriage is built on negotiations-- one partner takes out the trash while the other takes the kids to school. Unfortunately, the longer people stay together, the more likely they are to compromise, yet always compromising rarely gets anybody what they want. According to Geoffrey, successful marriages are built on successful negotiations. On any given day, there are numerous marriage matters that need to be discussed and deliberated. Understanding how to negotiate properly makes marriage life easier.
He goes on to add that negotiations should be taken a step further and implemented in the bedroom. The more you deliberate on what you want as a couple in the bedroom, the more fun your sex life will be.
Understanding Healthy and Unhealthy Jealousy in Marriage
Jealousy is the reaction to a real or imagined threat to a valued relationship. It’s a normal human emotion that everyone experiences and forms a vital part of our primal evolution. The good news is that a little jealousy can be positive and reassuring in a relationship. However, problems can arise when jealousy turns from a healthy human emotion to an irrational one. For example, if your partner is constantly stalking you or becomes violent when you interact with people of the opposite sex, that’s a red flag you should never ignore.
Geoffrey explains that mild and occasional feelings of jealousy in marriage reminds couples not to take each other for granted. Jealousy also motivates partners to appreciate one another, heightening emotions, making sex more passionate and love even stronger.
Toxic jealousy is not an emotion that can be banished by wishful thinking. It runs right to an individual's core, and takes awareness and effort to overcome these feelings.
Links
https://www.primalpoly.com/
https://kimberlyannjohnson.com/the-fourth-trimester/
